Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [76]
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Vixen Tip
So your man thinks he needs to roam the streets a little; he feels as if you’ve been smothering or nagging him and he needs space to breathe. A woman’s first reaction is usually, “No, don’t go. Stay here and talk to me about this.” Well, it may be difficult but you have to fight against this and simply say, “Okay.” You’ll probably shock him and impress yourself when you do this, but it won’t make you feel any better. Yet, instead of holding him captive for hours, trying to make him hear and understand you, call a friend, a relative, someone you can really trust and share your pangs with. Be sure it’s someone you can trust, though, or this may backfire on you. Never share your personal affairs with someone who is known to gossip or has shown they cannot be trusted. Remember, there’s always someone who wants your life. It could even be his own mother (more on that later). As for you, you need a safe place to land; you need someone who loves you and is rooting for you and the health of your relationship. By the time your man returns, you will have released your frustrations and be better prepared to talk things over with him more calmly, and he will come back because you didn’t push him away by trying to make him stay.
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Vixen Say What?
Warning: Pseudofriends will wish you well, but never too well.
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For this very reason, you should never dump shit on your man. Save your shit for your girlfriends. That’s what they’re for! Rant to them about the fact that he had the audacity to ask you for ___________ (insert whatever crazy thing he asked for here), but once the rant is through, hang up the phone and give your man what he was asking for—over and over and over again. By maximizing the role of your girlfriends as emotional outlets, you’re freed up to “yes” your man to death. In due time, all that “Yes! Yes! Yes!” from you will make him say, “Wait! Wait! Wait, baby…I feel full.”
A full man is a happy man. And we like happy men, don’t we, ladies—because then we get served.
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Recap
Please your man. Give him what he wants.
We fight because we are selfish.
Our fears make us run our mouths so much, we end up talking ourselves out of everything we want.
Stop fighting your man and learn to stand down.
Submission is not a sign of weakness but of respect for the one you love and, mostly, for yourself.
Bite him with his own dog.
Save your shit for your girlfriends.
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Chapter Twenty-nine
Consistency
Under ideal circumstances, change is a good thing, if done in the spirit of moving forward. But life is inconsistent, and we’re not always operating within the ideal. The world comes at us aggressively from the moment we step out the front door, which is why it’s imperative that when your man is at home, it should be a place of consistency, a comforting and comfortable haven where he knows the lay of the land. There should be no booby traps, minefields, or sudden shifts of the wind. When a man walks through the door, he wants to know what’s waiting for him, and he expects it to be as it was when he left, unless he or the two of you jointly initiated further change. There’s no place like home, so the saying goes, and for a man—if the conditions are right—there’s no place he’d rather be.
“Home,” of course, is a metaphor in this instance. I’m not talking about your hair or perfume, the position of the furniture, new fabric softener, or the thread count of your sheets. Those are adjustments hopefully meant to improve things for you and your man. When I say “home,” ladies, I mean you.
In the beginning of a relationship, we tend to present a perfect version of ourselves. We answer the phone on the first ring and allow him to call us very late at night, eager to appear upbeat and available. We are pleasant and nonabrasive, avoiding