Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [77]
Most women, however, can only keep up this act for so long before the veneer begins to crumble. There’s an old saying about familiarity breeding contempt, and while you might not become all-out contemptuous once you settle into what you now feel is a secure relationship, the likelihood for you to become less tolerant and accommodating is prone to increase. That’s just human nature, although it’s one of the key reasons why relationships fail.
The more we know our mate and the more we begin to believe that he’s not going anywhere, the more our façade—and yes, it is a façade—falls away. These changes can be behavioral, physical, emotional, and/or sexual. You might start taking your time getting to the phone when he rings you up, perhaps even rushing him off because you’ve got one of your girlfriends on the line. Once upon a time, you may have put off your girlfriends for him, but now it’s the other way around. Don’t think your man won’t notice that.
Perhaps you’re cranky if he calls when you’re sleeping. Or your mate, inexplicably excited by the sight of you as you vacuum, wants to do it on the living room floor right then and there, but you refuse. You’re busy, you protest, and dirty. In the early days, you might have leapt upon him without question, but not now. Practicality intervenes instead. You’ve now settled into texting or e-mailing your feelings more than you verbally and physically express them. Or you don’t make as much of an effort to look sexy for him or bother to cook elaborate meals the way you did in the beginning. Why should you? you say. You’ve got him. He’s sprung.
Are you sure? We’ve already discussed in prior chapters how stealthy our mates can be about what they observe. Men notice the slightest nuance of difference, especially as it relates to how they’re being treated. Every time you reject your man sexually, he will make a mental note of it. When he comes home to more takeout rather than cooked meals—especially when it used to be the other way around—that will be filed away, too. Uncombed hair and sweats? Check. More attention to your friends than him? Duly noted. Quick to argue about the slightest things? All-right-y, then. All these things quietly erode your relationship to the breaking point, and by that time it’s usually too late for recovery.
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Vixen Tip
Progressive change is good! Instead of surprising him with matted hair and your old, bleach-spotted college sweatshirt, surprise him with a new negligee, or a different hairstyle or hair color. Hell, find a sexy red nail polish and come out of those bland nudes you always wear. Are you a fullback panty girl? Visit the thong section of your local Victoria’s Secret and go nuts! Do anything, do everything, be it all, honey. That’s what you were built for.
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One of the strongest maxims delivered by our mothers and grandmothers is something most of us have heard many times before: whatever you do in the beginning to get a man is what it will take to keep him. Statistics say it takes twenty-one days to form a habit. Odds are, after the first twenty-one days of your relationship, your man has become quite accustomed to being treated well and will find any sudden, or gradual, change in behavior from you both shocking or disappointing. Eventually, he will begin to feel duped and might go looking for that faux earlier version of you elsewhere.
This is not to say that your man is exempt from how he treats you. Critical to the success of any relationship is the idea that both partners should never take each other for granted and should work hard to assure each other’s happiness and well-being. But you must play an active role. We often allow our relationships to set to autopilot, focusing our attention on places we believe deserve more effort, such as work, children, or school, if we’re pursuing higher education. Your man requires just as much attention or his affection will atrophy and