Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [78]
Just think, ladies, if that twenty-one-day habit-forming rule holds true as applied to you, then you should have no problem treating your man the way you did in the beginning. Just do so long enough and it’ll become a natural part of your behavior. Consistency is the one habit you should never break.
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Recap
When your man is at home, it should be a place of consistency.
“Home” means you.
In the beginning of a relationship, we tend to present a perfect version of ourselves.
Most women, however, can keep up this act for only so long, then the veneer begins to crumble.
These changes can be behavioral, physical, emotional, and/or sexual.
Men notice the slightest nuance of difference, especially as it relates to how they’re being treated.
Whatever you do in the beginning to get a man is what it will take to keep him.
Consistency is the one habit you should never break.
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Chapter Thirty
Being a Helpmate
Many of you spend so much time wondering why your man won’t act right, get serious, or sometimes even come home, but have you ever considered the obvious: why should he want to? To paraphrase an old popular song, “What have you done for him lately?” A man wants to know that he can depend on you to be there when he needs you, no matter how great or small that need may be. It can be something as trivial as picking up after him as he rushes out the door on his way to work, tossing the boxers and socks he left on the bathroom floor into the hamper. It can be as significant as making sure his mother gets to her doctor’s appointment, or that the checks for the bills are already written and in their stamped envelopes by the time he remembers they’re due. Being a helpmate comes in many forms, but not many women understand the importance of this role.
Some of us are so self-absorbed and focused on not getting “played” that we end up henpecking a man to death. This includes everything from challenging his every request to refusing to step outside of your comfort zone to assure him of your support. Many of us have been socialized in recent generations to bitch and moan every time our man forgets to pick up after himself or leaves a dish in the sink. We’ve heard our mothers say, “I ain’t your damn maid”—and then one day, we hear ourselves saying the same thing. Well, the day I said it, I said it to a man who wasn’t having it. His response? “Well, if you’re not going to be my helpmate, then what good are you?” He had a valid point. From that day forward, I was a laundry-washing, dinner-cooking machine. There wasn’t a thing needing to be done in his home that wasn’t, even though I was only visiting. Even though we lived in two different states, when I was at his place, you can bet I was helping.
Now, this man wasn’t worth the sweat equity I put into him or his damn laundry, but I learned a valuable lesson. A man who has a lot to offer, the right man, wants and needs a woman who is not just arm candy but a true partner and teammate. No man wants to shoulder every single responsibility. In that case, there’d be no reason to ever seriously commit. Building a family, for a man, first starts with finding the proper woman who is worthy of all he brings to the table. Men—real men—enjoy working hard to provide for and bring pleasure to a woman who appreciates him. This is one of the most important ways in which a man shows his love. The more participatory and accommodating his woman, the easier it becomes for him to offer himself and all that he comes with.