Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [79]
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Vixen Tip
Nike said it best—just do it! If you have a man that is worth his weight in gold and would do most anything to assure your happiness, then why not pick up behind him, remember the things he’s forgotten or take out the trash for him. When it’s time for his shower, grab him a new towel and washcloth and hand them to him when he’s finished. Every once in a while, when you’re in the shower with him, wash his entire body for him. Make him feel like the king he is and he’ll know you are his queen.
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This requires major rewiring on the part of a lot of women in terms of how we think. In this post–sexual revolution age of empowerment and level playing fields, many of us view words like helpmate as indicating indentured servitude. Servitude, however, typically entails subjugation, where only one party benefits and the other suffers humiliation and a lowered standard of living. What I’m suggesting is the opposite of that. I’m talking about being “of service,” as we are in any role we undertake that requires our commitment and expertise. You are of service in your career, as a parent, or as a friend, so why wouldn’t you be the same in your relationship with your man? A man chooses you based on your ability to be of service in areas where he needs support. He, in turn, hopes to be of service to you by meeting your needs. This isn’t difficult to understand when you look at it this way. Men and women choose partners to meet each other’s needs. When a woman can surrender her resistance and pride and work for the general benefit of the relationship, knowing that her man is doing the same, everyone thrives.
This is how successful businesses are run, and creating an effective relationship is, in many ways, like running a business. Every effort that is put in must be done with the objective of overall success in mind. You forego complaining about picking up after him because you realize he’s out there making money to take care of you. This is quid pro quo—this for that—at its best. If your man is happy and well taken care of, you will be, too.
As I write this, I can hear women flinging this book to the floor, shouting, “I ain’t no damn servant!” See? This is where the retraining starts. Let’s look at the definition of servant. According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, it means “one that serves others.” That’s it, pure and simple.
It has nothing to do with you losing your freedom or sense of self. In fact, helping others can be quite empowering. This is a part of your description as a woman, a wife, and a mother. That means you’ve been given the greatest responsibility on Earth: caring for others. Teachers, doctors, nurses, firefighters, and police officers—all-powerful positions, all considered public servants. Servants! Imagine that. As a woman, you are built to do, be, and have it all because of your natural ability to be of service. That service does not go unrewarded. Men are proud to uplift a woman who staunchly, humbly, and selflessly supports them. The accolades will rain down upon you.
None of this is to say that you don’t deserve to have your feet rubbed, your bathwater run every night, or your dinner cooked and served to you in bed, if you so desire But do you honestly think you’ll get any of that if you’re of no help to your mate? There’s nothing wrong with giving, ladies, because when you do so with a generous heart, you will get, get, get! This rule doesn’t apply only to women. Men need to get their asses in gear, as well, pitching in around the house and becoming more involved in the lives of their girlfriends, wives, and children. But this book isn’t for your man (though we all know he’s going to sneak in and read it as soon as you’re done). At the end of the day, what your man and your kids need to know is that nothing would run as smoothly as it does if it weren’t for you taking care of and serving them. Being a helpmate represents the height of partnership. And the best way to have a great partner is to be one!
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Recap
Being a helpmate