Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [80]
A worthy man deserves a worthy helpmate.
Men and women choose partners to meet each other’s needs.
If your man is happy and well taken care of, you will be, too.
As a woman, you are built to do, be, and have it all.
The best way to have a great partner is to be one.
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Chapter Thirty-one
Giving Him Space
Here’s an idea: leave him alone! (Insert applause from every man in the universe here.) Yes, believe it or not, as much as your man might love you, need you, and want to spend the rest of his living days with you, he needs you to back the hell up every once in a while. But why, you ask. Who knows? Who cares! If you’ve done your homework and spent your time developing friendship, love, open communication, trust, and all the other aspects I’ve recommended in prior chapters, you should already know that he wants to be with you and has no plans to disrespect you in any way. These very things may be a part of the reasons why he needs his space.
When a man has found what he wants and has chosen to be there for the long haul, it is the space and time between you that will help make your relationship last. Forever is a long time. So is fifty, twenty, or even five years for some people. The prospect of this, if given heavy contemplation, can make a man nervous or make him panic. Having the same person around you every day and every night can become frustrating and claustrophobic, even under the best circumstances. Every once in a while, it’s good for him to get away.
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Vixen Tip
I’m not saying that he’s the only one entitled to a “Get Out of Jail Free” card. You’re allowed to have one, too! Let your man care for the house and kids while you take a day to yourself and do the things that make you happy. Or the two of you can venture out with your respective friends on the same night…separately. Either way, go somewhere! Do something! Even if you two are holed up in the house and don’t feel like going out, you can still inhabit your own separate spaces. Choose neutral corners for the evening. You can catch up on your reading or all the gossip with your closest girlfriends, while he’s in another room watching the game or catching up with his friends and family. Just a few hours of quiet time or time spent away from one another a few times a week can do wonders.
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Space is critical for him, even if you’re living together. He has to feel like he has breathing room and is still clearly defined as an individual, even though he has committed to joining his life with yours. Insisting on constant time together or demanding to know where and what he’s doing every second of the day can be strangling. The worst thing you can do is make a man feel trapped or backed into a corner. This is when he’ll come out fighting and will more than likely retaliate against you.
But how can you be sure he’s not cheating if you’re giving him all this time to go off and do what he wants? Honestly? You can’t be sure. How can any of us be certain of what anyone is doing at any given time? That’s why trust is such an important element when forging your relationship. This works both ways. Once your partner realizes that you trust him to come and go, you just might find that he comes and goes even less, opting to bask in your presence instead. The irony of freedom often lies in the fact that the more you have, the less you exercise it. Sometimes just him knowing he can come and go at his leisure without getting grief from you is sufficient enough.Encourage him to do so, but make sure you don’t come across as trying to get rid of him. That’s definitely not what you want. He might think you’re up to some dirt of your own. The key is letting him know you’re genuinely concerned about his mental well-being, and showing him that you understand his having time alone is a big part of that. And when he gets back, make sure to show him what he was missing. He’ll have a healthier attitude because of it, and so will you.
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Vixen Tip
Give him