War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy [284]
“As soon as we have a certain number of worthy people in every state, each of them will in turn form two more, and they will all be closely united with each other—then everything will be possible for the order, which has already secretly succeeded in doing much for the good of mankind.”
This speech produced not only a strong impression, but also agitation in the lodge. The majority of the brothers, who saw the dangerous designs of Illuminism11 in the speech, received it with a coldness that surprised Pierre. The grand master began to object to Pierre. Pierre started developing his thoughts more and more ardently. It was long since they had had such a stormy session. Parties formed: some accused Pierre, condemning him for Illuminism; others supported him. Pierre was struck for the first time at this meeting by the infinite diversity of human minds, which makes it so that no truth presents itself to two people in the same way. Even those members who seemed to be on his side understood him in their own fashion, with limitations and alterations which Pierre could not agree to, since his main need consisted precisely in conveying his thought to others exactly as he understood it himself.
At the end of the session the grand master reprimanded Bezukhov with ill will and irony for his hotheadedness, saying that it was not love of virtue alone, but also a passion for struggle that had guided him in his argument. Pierre did not reply to him and asked curtly whether his suggestion would be accepted or not. He was told that it would not be, and Pierre, without waiting for the usual formalities, left the lodge and went home.
VIII
Pierre was again overcome by that anguish he feared so much. For three days after delivering his speech at the lodge, he lay at home on the sofa, receiving no one and going nowhere.
During that time a letter came from his wife, who begged him to agree to see her, wrote of her sadness without him and of her wish to devote her whole life to him.
At the end of her letter she informed him that in a few days she would be arriving in Petersburg from abroad.
Following the letter, one of the brother Masons he respected less than the others broke in upon Pierre’s solitude and, turning the conversation to Pierre’s marital relations, in the guise of brotherly advice came out with the thought that his severity towards his wife was unjust, and that Pierre was departing from the primary rules of Masonry in not forgiving the penitent.
At the same time his mother-in-law, Prince Vassily’s wife, sent for him, begging him to visit her at least for a few minutes to discuss a very important matter. Pierre saw that there was a conspiracy against him, that they wanted to reunite him with his wife, and the idea was even not unpleasant for him in the state he was in. It was all the same to him: Pierre considered nothing in his life to be of great importance, and under the influence of the anguish that now possessed him, he valued neither his freedom nor his persistence in punishing his wife.
“No one is right, no one is wrong, so she’s not wrong either,” he thought. If Pierre did not consent at once to a reunion with his wife, it was only because, being in a state of anguish, he was not able to undertake anything. If his wife had come to him, he would not have sent her away. Was it not all the same, compared to what preoccupied Pierre, whether he lived or did not live with his wife?
Without replying either to his wife or to his mother-in-law, Pierre got ready for the road late one night and left for Moscow to see Iosif Alexeevich. Here is what Pierre wrote in his diary:
Moscow, 17 November.
Just back from my benefactor and hasten to write down everything I experienced. Iosif Alexeevich lives in poverty and has been suffering for three years from a painful bladder ailment. No one has ever heard a groan or a word of protest from him. From morning till late at night, except for the times when he eats the plainest food, he works at science. He received me graciously