What Would Satan Do_ - Anthony Miller [136]
“What? Because she kissed him?” asked Raju. “That’s so fucking gay!”
“No, it isn’t,” said Satan.
“That’s the prophecy,” said Festus.
“Dude…” said Raju. “Dude!” He looked around, as if he were searching for something. “What if—? What if I were the Antichrist. Can I get a kiss? Please?”
“Hush,” said Satan.
They all stood there for a moment. The floor and walls were still and quiet.
“So,” said Lola. “That’s it?”
“Yes,” said Satan. “I think it is.” He smiled. “Now,” he said, “would anyone else like to get some ice cream?”
About the Author
The author lives in Texas, and is the proud father of three little clones. He likes mashed potatoes and shiny stuff.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1. The Apostles Were Dirty Cannibals
Chapter 2. Behold: Megachurch
Chapter 3. Enorma Was Round, Like Sputnik
Chapter 4. Holy Land Coffee
Chapter 5. Where You Can Stick that Parking Permit
Chapter 6. Magic Queso from Heaven
Chapter 7. Shirley Is a Merciless, Automaton Whore
Chapter 8. Asthmatic Dugong
Chapter 9. Liam Has Chick Issues
Chapter 10. Death Star and Swanky Hotel with Goldfish, Go!
Chapter 11. The Devil Went Down to Pennsylvania Avenue
Chapter 12. Grandma Was Secretly a Velociraptor
Chapter 13. Friggin’ FBI Agents Everywhere
Chapter 14. Wanted: Antichrist
Chapter 15. Clyde Parker Clogs Satan’s Commode
Chapter 16. Klaxon Ducks
Chapter 17. Texarkana
Chapter 18. Festus Is an Idiot Who Calls Too Early in the Morning
Chapter 19. I Love a Parade of Naked Guys
Chapter 20. Clyde Parker Mortuus Est
Chapter 21. Ima Eat Some BBQ, Bitches
Chapter 22. Bonus Taco!
Chapter 23. Whitford Flosses, Calls in the Secessionists
Chapter 24. A Second Date with Lola
Chapter 25. Beat Me Up, Scotty
Chapter 26. Rule No. 37: Always Take the Body with You
Chapter 27. Satan Wakes Up to Bunny Slippers
Chapter 28. Ramón
Chapter 29. Mean Dude in a Track Suit
Chapter 30. Satan Remembers that He Is Awesome
Chapter 31. Hells Bells
Chapter 32. Straight into the Frying Pan
Chapter 33. The Militant Arm of the American Geriatrics Association
Chapter 34. Frying Pans Suck
Chapter 35. God is a Violence Junkie
Chapter 36. Why Aren’t There Any Naked Ladies?
Chapter 37. The Rain Is Disgusting
Chapter 38. Running Wild as a Dog in the House of the Lord
Chapter 39. Wherein Satan Enjoys Dessert
Chapter 40. Dude, How Small Is Your Cat?
Chapter 41. What Would Festus Do?
Chapter 42. I’ll Take Your Army, Please
Chapter 43. A Van Powered by Love
Chapter 44. There Are a Lot of Weirdos Here
Chapter 45. Lola and the Men Who Love Her
Chapter 46. Blasted Bits and Way Too Many Ralphs
Chapter 47. Our Heroes Run Away
Chapter 48. Whitford Flambé with Lemon
Chapter 49. Satan and Ezekiel
Chapter 50. Ezekiel’s Fiery Sword of Death
Chapter 51. The Antichrist