White Nights - Ann Cleeves [104]
‘You think Booth might have been one of your stray guests?’
‘Perhaps.’ She nibbled at a piece of fruit cake. ‘I think Peter Wilding might have been one of them too. I hadn’t realized before. It’s only since Roddy died, this strange escape into the past, living the old days in my head. If it’s the man I’m remembering, he doesn’t even look very different. But the summer I believe he was here wasn’t a very happy time for me. I’ve been trying since then to put it out of my mind. Besides, I can’t be sure.’ She seemed to realize she was rambling, looked up and gave a quick, wicked smile. ‘Will you pass all this information on to Jimmy Perez?’
‘Would you rather I didn’t?’
She gave a shrug. ‘Just tell Jimmy I can’t be certain. And Wilding never mentioned having been here. That does seem odd, doesn’t it? When he first started writing to me, telling me how much he enjoyed the paintings, he didn’t bring that up. His letter was very flattering, of course. We all enjoy being flattered. But you’d think he’d say something, wouldn’t you, if he’d been a guest in my house? Something self-deprecating and hopeful. I don’t suppose you remember but you were kind enough to put me up one summer. I’m not sure how accurate my memories are. It could all be make-believe. I think grief makes everyone a little bit mad. That and the simmer dim.’
‘Do you think Jeremy Booth and Peter Wilding were here at the same time?’
There was a long silence before Bella answered.
‘You know, I rather think they were. It was this time of the year. An unusually warm summer. The house was full. Roddy’s parents were still living in Lerwick then, but he came over to see me most weekends and there were a couple of weeks when Alec was away in hospital. I remember swimming with him from the beach here. I taught him to swim. There aren’t many days when it’s warm enough to do that. And at night we had parties on the beach. Bonfires and music. There was usually someone who could play. Too much drink and too much dope. It was long after the sixties, of course, but perhaps we were trying to recreate that sort of sense. The creativity and the freedom. We wanted to believe that we were young.’ She paused. ‘And I was in love, with Lawrence Thomson. I’d been in love with him since I was thirteen. Probably before that. I remember playing kiss-chase with him in the little school in Middleton. All these people who stayed, none of them could match up to him.’
Fran had dozens of questions, but kept them all to herself. Bella shook her head, as if to force herself back to the present.
‘Everyone went, of course,’ she said. ‘As soon as the weather changed and the rain started. They didn’t want to make a life in the real Shetland. They talked about authentic culture, but there was nothing authentic about their experience.’ There was another moment of silence. ‘Even Lawrence went.’
‘I don’t suppose you have any photographs of that time?’
Bella didn’t seem to hear. ‘But I had Roddy,’ she said. ‘He more than made up for losing all the summer hangers-on. And after Alec died and his mother ran away with her oilman, I had him all to myself. Did he make up for losing Lawrence? I’m not sure about that.’
‘Do you have any photographs?’
Again Bella gave the little shake of her head to disperse the images of previous times.
‘I’m sure there are some,’ she said. ‘Roddy was looking at them not very long ago.’
‘Would you mind showing me? If it wouldn’t be too upsetting.’
‘I’m not sure where they are. And I really don’t think I have the energy to look.’
‘I’ll go,’ Fran said, ‘if you tell me where they might be.’ She found herself fascinated by the idea of the summer house party. The long white nights. The artists and actors and writers attracted to Shetland, but more especially to Bella like moths to a very bright candle, and the woman who had no interest in any of them. She wanted Lawrence, her childhood sweetheart, her golden boy. What a brilliant film it would make! she thought. All those beautiful people in this stunning setting.
‘They’re in an old shoebox,’ Bella said. The answer came so