Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead_. But Gutsy Girls Do - Kate White [74]
Be careful not to sound antagonistic or defensive. The more information you elicit, the better. You should follow up with a memo explaining how you will accomplish all that's been discussed.
Scenario Two: They Want to But They Can't
In many instances you will be told no not because you don't deserve it, but because outside forces are tying your boss's hands. He may say something like, “You definitely deserve more money but I just don't have it in the budget right now,” or “I'd love to let you go to the conference this year, but it wouldn't be fair to Joe or Stacey.” Some bosses will masterfully try to play on your good-girl sympathy or guilt, taking you into their confidence about all the problems they're facing. When I was at Working Woman the owner told me he couldn't let me have a car service because we were in the middle of a recession and it would upset the four people in the accounting department to see that I was getting that kind of perk.
There's a chance that your boss is being truthful, but it could also be total BS. Look sympathetic but do not give up. And I don't mean to start bargaining for some kind of compromise situation. You still have a chance to get what you want. Your boss may simply be seeing if he can take the wind out of your sails, knowing from experience how easily people capitulate.
Before you give up hope, try this: the broken record technique. When I was writing consumer rights articles for Glamour, this is a strategy that a consumer advocate taught me for dealing with difficult store clerks, airline agents, etc.—and I have used it religiously ever since.
The basic idea is to repeat your request like a broken record, without ever changing your tone so that your emotions don't appear to be escalating. For instance, when an airline agent insists that he has no record of your reservation, rather than throw a tantrum, you repeal over and over, “I know I made the reservation and I must be on that flight.” It really works.
Try the same approach with your boss: “I understand that there are budget restraints and I know how much pressure we're all under, but I hope my efforts can be rewarded. ”
HOW TO WALK AWAY WITH SOMETHING
If the broken record doesn't get you what you want, you don't have to go away empty handed. Now you're ready to negotiate. You want to walk out with something, even though it's not what you first had in mind. Bosses actually like it when you try to bargain because they feel less guilty. For instance:
• If you're told you're too junior to receive a new responsibility, ask for a trial assignment.
• If department guidelines won't allow for more than a 4 percent raise, ask for a spot bonus.
• If they swear the budget absolutely won't allow for a promotion, ask for a title change, with a raise to come when the freeze is over.
TRY, TRY AGAIN
As I've talked to gutsy girls, one theme emerges over and over again. They never give up after hearing no.
It may seem like you're a nag, but people are flattered by your desire to connect with them or impressed with your hunger and passion.
TWO THINGS A GUTSY GIRL NEVER ASKS FOR
I've been talking about all the things you must demand, but there are two things you should never go in seareh of: (1) praise; and (2) unnecessary advice.
When you go fishing for compliments you seem needy. When you ask for unnecessary advice, you can open a can of worms, forcing your boss to give you criticism or duties you don't really want.
WHY TAKING IS ANOTHER FORM OF ASKING
A variation on asking for what you want is simply taking what you want. Now, there are plenty of things that aren't appropriate for you to take because they are someone else's to give. But there's a gray area of projects and perks that don't belong to anyone in particular. Asking would be awkward or draw undue attention, so you must simply assume ownership.