Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead_. But Gutsy Girls Do - Kate White [85]
SEX AND THE WORKING GIRL
Up until this point, it seems that all I've talked about are the not-so-pleasant things that can happen when you're working with men. But as we know, lots of nice things happen as well. Male co-workers can be fabulous teammates, supporters, advisors, mentors, and champions. They can also be flirters, lovers.
I once had a loud verbal disagreement with a well-known career expert who'd written a piece for me saying that you should never ever get romantically involved with someone you work with. To me it was like saying you should never ever eat butter. Unrealistic advice—and extremely boring.
According to a recent study there's a 60 percent chance that you will go out with someone you work with. At the very least you may flirt with a co-worker or experience some sexual tension that goes nowhere but creates an exciting work environment.
A gutsy girl is realistic enough to know that hormones can work overtime at the office but she proceeds cautiously in these matters. Even an “innocent” flirtation or relationship can end up sabotaging her.
Here are some statistics of my own.
1. Even if you're only engaging in harmless office flirting, there's a 40 percent chance people will start spreading the fact that you're “involved.” I once interviewed someone who was doing his dissertation on rumors. His theory was that rumors are simultaneously sloppy and precise. They may not be true but they're based on a factual nugget: This is how a flirt can turn to dirt.
2. No matter what you do to conceal a romantic relationship with a co-worker, there's a 95 percent chance that your other co-workers will find out.
3. If he's married or you're married or he's your boss or you're his, know that there's a 75 percent chance that a relationship could turn into a big ugly mess. And a woman, no matter what her rank, still ends up with the worst part of such a mess.
4. Even “innocuous” relationships—he's in a totally different department and is on your level—there's a 25 percent chance it will somehow be used against you.
THE MOMMY ISSUE
It probably won't surprise you to learn that as a mother of two young kids. I have some pretty strong views about being a working mother. Though combining kids and career isn't for everyone—and I very much respect my friends who've bowed out of the race for a few years—I also believe you can pull it off under the right set of circumstances.
That said, there are also lots of chances to get sabotaged. You may have absolutely no interest in being on a mommy track and yet you find you've been put on one anyway— you're given wimpy assignments or excluded from A-team meetings. It's even possible to sabotage yourself, without even realizing it.
But I do think I can offer a few pearls of wisdom about handling matters at the office. It's the result not only of learning from my own mistakes, but also of listening to one of my oldest friends. Judsen Culbreth, who has been the editor-in-chief of Working Mother for seven years.
First, I think you have to take a really gutsy approach to being a working mother, which means plotting, planning, and sometimes grabbing the bull by the horns. Because working moms don't like to draw undue attention to their situation, they sometimes operate in a reactive rather than proactive mode and let their fate unfold.
The most proactive thing you can do, Culbreth has taught me, is have a job that you love—and from there, things are much more likely to go