Why We Suck_ A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid - Denis Leary [62]
Which is fine. Renee may occasionally resemble a leprechaun from certain angles but as Bridget Jones she was funny and funny goes a long way in my book (the one in my head as well as the one you are reading). Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde? Big laughs, big points. And Sarah Jessica-well, how often do you get a girl who looks that hot in hot pants AND can honestly make a man giggle.
Giggles, guffaws and shrieks of laughter last a whole lot longer than legs and other assorted things men like to look at. So embrace the actual instead of the virtual.
God knows, men do.
Real men. If you're dating a guy who's more interested in the size of your chest than the length of your laugh-maybe you better start shopping around.
Men don't play the let's pretend about our friends game.
When it comes to a guy like Matt Dillon, the most you'll ever hear another guy say about him is this (followed by what they really mean):
a. Wow. That Matt Dillon's a pretty good-lookin' guy, hah? (Wow. That Matt Dillon's a pretty good-lookin' guy, hah?)
b. Matt Dillon, that guy's a good actor. (Matt Dillon, that guy's a good actor.)
c. My girlfriend's got a thing for Matt Dillon. (My girlfriend's got a thing for Matt Dillon.)
d. Matt Dillon is a giant fag. (My girlfriend's got a thing for Matt Dillon and she won't shut up about it.)
I think it's fair to say that men's interests in the female gender are very much up-front and common knowledge between the sexes. Women however can still be supposedly surprised or befuddled or disbelieving about what makes their motors tick. I've been co-writing and producing a critically acclaimed hit show about New York City firefighters for several years now-one my writing partner and I have based on our own research and the very real lives of my firefighting friends in the Big Apple. It involves lots of smoke and flames and women. Lots of cute, hot chicks who are very attracted to men who run into burning buildings. Time after time in both the press and real life we have been accosted by women who wonder how much action these guys can actually be getting. The answer is: tons. I have witnessed it firsthand in firehouses, on the streets of Manhattan, in supermarkets, bars, parking lots, elevators, nightclubs-you name it. Smart, sensible women-even sometimes one or two who have just finished saying how ridiculous it seems for women to melt just because a man in bunker pants and suspenders with an FDNY T-shirt appears-have melted and fawned and stuttered and flirted and giggled like a little schoolgirl when one suddenly approaches.
It's the "I wanna be saved" syndrome.
It's the "big, handsome he-man" virus.
It makes them wet.
It makes them swoon.
But some of them just don't want to admit it or simply refuse to own up.
Until a big, handsome he-man shows up and glances at them.
I've listened to very smart women I know bemoan the idiotic behavior of girls over twenty-two years of age who go weak in the knees because some half-assed celebrity or middle-aged rock star is supposed to be attractive based on some raggedy-assed magazine's most recent listing of America's Top Fifty Hunks and then-Matt Dillon walks in.
Cue the giggles, the bleats of laughter, the hands gently sweeping Matt's arm, the swishing flip of her hair-you know the drill.
I bring all this up to illustrate a point-women have a power to bullshit and nurture that men do not have. Men have the power to cut right to the chase and make do with whatever weapons they might have in hand.
Women are born with oodles and oodles of empathy. Most men have trouble spelling it. Empathy, I mean. Oodles rhymes with noodles, which men like to eat, and anything they can put in their mouth and may have to-at some point in life-order in. Generally speaking-with food-they tend to learn which letters go where.
Empathy is why two girls on the Central Washington College Girls Softball team carried-I repeat, carried-a member of the opposing team, Western Oregon State, around the bases-repeat, around the bases-after she hit a game-winning