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By Root 940 0

crazy for. It's the truth-we have no idea if a guy we know is handsome and we don't care-as long as he is willing to grab a shovel and go to work or play whatever sport it may be as hard and driven as the rest of us he's an equal member of the team. Once we find out he's good-looking-there is no jealousy. We just immediately go into "what can we get out of this" mode. In other words-the prettiest chick at the party will probably wanna talk to him which means her slightly less pretty friends will need other guys to talk to-which is where we come in.

One of my old friends is Matt Dillon and let me tell you-when it's just the guys hanging around, no one gives a shit what Matt Dillon looks like. He's gotta carry boxes or cover the wide receiver or pass the ball or do an equal amount of driving as the next guy.

Women-however-have this built-in desire to tell even their fat ugly friend that she is pretty. Or funny. Or talented. When in fact she is none of the above. Ask any guy and he'll tell you-when a guy's wife or girlfriend says oh you just gotta meet my friend blah blah blah she is SOOO funny and soooo great, the first thing we ask is-is she hot? The pause right before they answer is all the information you need. No-the pause is telling you-she is not hot. At all.

Listed below are the first four things most chicks say about their available friends, followed by the truth:

a. She's really cute, she's got great eyes and she's funny. (She's got cute lips, nice eyes and snorts like a stuck pig when she laughs.)

b. She looks like Michelle Pfeiffer. (IF Michelle Pfeiffer had just been in a car crash.)

c. She's very very pretty. (She's fat.)

d. She's got an amazing body. (But the FACE of Tina Yothers.)

e. She's incredibly smart. (She won't shut up.)

Likewise, if you hear any woman describe another woman using the terms listed below-almost the exact opposite will be true:

a. She's an idiot. (She's got massive tits.)

b. She's anorexic. (She's got great legs and a flat stomach.)

c. She's so self-centered. (Guys love her.)

d. Her ass is huge. (She's Jennifer Lopez.)

e. She's a bitch. (She's gorgeous and funny and will fuck your brains out five minutes after she meets you.)

Chicks will take precious time and carefully chosen words to spend on chubby or homely or big-boned female friends-referring to their bee-stung lips or slow metabolism or zaftig curves. But when they watch Cindy Crawford walk out to greet Jay Leno on The Tonight Show? She's too hippy. Julia Roberts in an extreme close-up during a big-budget romantic drama? Her mouth's too horsey. Kate Moss in a magazine? I don't find her sexy at all. Okay-but then again, you don't have a cock. I do-and take it from me when I tell you that four out of five men who HAVE cocks? They would jump into bed with either one of those three in half a heartbeat.

There's a very good reason why most of the girls who star in American-made romantic comedies are considered "cute," "cuddly" or the classic "girl next door" type. Because women are the main audience for these chick-friendly flicks. Women are almost guaranteed to drag their boyfriend/husband/sperm donor out to see it on opening weekend. Women will go see the film several times more if they like it. Then rent or buy the DVD a few months later. As long as the star is not a threat or-at the other end of the same spectrum-represents the hope that normal chicks could possibly land an incredibly handsome and devoted and charming and lovable guy.

That's why you hear women say how cute or cuddly or classically beautiful women like Renee Zellweger, Reese Witherspoon and Sarah Jessica Parker are when-if you ask a guy-the same three girls would be described as elflike, pointy-chinned and "has a killer bod." Could one of these girls land a Richard Gere or Chris Noth or Jake Gyllenfacenhaulen in real life? Sure. Reese Witherspoon DID land Gyllenfashionpuken. Who is considered a good-looking guy. I actually find that guy very funny and really talented which is what he probably likes about her-but let's not pretend she's Michelle