Wild Ginger - Anchee Min [35]
It was he. He waved. He was in the same blue sportswear.
"Don't tell me you are zoo dancing here!" I tried to be funny. I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know if I should move toward him or back out of the park. I thought about his naked back, his firm buttocks. I got up to walk toward him, but my feet became tangled. I felt that he somehow knew I had spied on him.
"Oh, I am taking a break here." He stood up to greet me. "I am tired of teaching the dances."
"Why don't you do that at home?" I decided just to stay where I was. We stood about fifteen feet away from each other. The distance was awkward for conversation but it comforted me.
"Well, I'm drafted constantly from my house."
"You mean Wild Ginger?"
He laughed. "No one escapes her."
I tried to figure out the meaning between his lines.
"You look deadly serious, Maple, like a party secretary. Come over, sit down. Let's have a chat, please."
"I..." I looked around as if trying to find a clock. "I'm late. I have to get going."
"Where?"
"A ... drugstore. My mother is waiting for me."
"If you are in such a hurry, why did you even come to the park?"
I lost the courage to keep lying. "All right, I am not in a hurry."
"Come on, I haven't seen you for a long time. You must tell me how you have been and you might be curious about how I've been."
I saw you, heard you, and talked about you almost daily, my mind's voice said.
"Tell me something, talk to me, Maple," he said, looking at me.
The image of his naked body kept surfacing in front of my eyes.
"I've been doing fine," I said dryly.
"Have you been with Wild Ginger lately?"
I went silent.
"I am sure you have," he concluded. "You are each other's shadows. Did she ... does she confide in you?"
"Sort of."
"Did she tell you anything ... about me?"
"I don't know. I ... am not sure ... Well, I don't think so."
"I need a favor, Maple," he said.
"I am listening."
"It might not make sense to you, but I am experiencing something I'd like to try to share with you. Well, are you ready? Chairman Mao ... All right, are you with me? Let me know if I lose you—"
"I am not sure if I want to hear it, Evergreen."
"I'll make it short. Very short. Gee, this is not easy. The Chairman teaches us to be selfless. But I am discovering the self, myself really, as a human being. For the first time, I've started to see things through my own eyes instead of Chairman Mao's ... It's devastating. My whole world is upside down now ... It's puzzling to you, isn't it?"
"Well, when did you start to change? What happened?"
"The moment you brought Wild Ginger to me. I have discovered something more meaningful than preaching Maoism, something more satisfactory to my nature. Do you know how difficult it is for me to bring this up?"
"You aren't talking about abandoning Maoism, are you?"
"Indeed, that might be exactly the question."
"And it is a very dangerous one too."
"But no, it's not the issue of safety. I know I can trust you. I do trust you—it doesn't make sense but it's true that I feel I can trust you more than I can trust Wild Ginger. It might sound strange. She is a Mao zealot. Her loyalty is beyond reproach. Her eyes see only what's red. You are different. Your eyes reflect the rainbow. Now the risky part is, wait a minute, what do people do with the brain's waste?"
"What do you mean?"
"Give it a try. Your mind is always a step ahead of mine."
"I could have said something else."
"No, I appreciated your frankness." He paused for a while. His hands went into his pockets as if they were cold. Suddenly he asked, "What's Wild Ginger's decision? Can she ... does she want to ... I mean, does she feel the same way I do?"
My mind struggled. I had the answer but I didn't know how to give it. I couldn't say, Yes, Wild Ginger is attracted to you, but you are not worthy enough for her to break her vow to Chairman Mao.
"I'm not in any position to judge my friend," I finally uttered.
"Do you know that she showed me