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Sorry, it’s just that we had high expectations for this trip and Hunter had such a difficult time. Thank You for the struggles and heartaches that keep us focused on our constant need for You. Help me to remember that You are in control, especially when things don’t work out the way we had planned.

June 5, 2001—Hunter’s been struggling a lot lately. He’s been awake all night wrestling with secretions because of reflux, apnea, and nasty seizures. There’s also a lot of blood in his stomach, especially during and after chest therapy.

Please give me strength to keep going. When will it end? Every morning upon awakening, I am confronted by a new set of circumstances to deal with. My baby is growing worse each day, just like the doctors said. Friends, family, and even perfect strangers all storm the throne of God with tear-filled prayers for him to be healed; yet he continues to worsen. When will he be released from this?

Sometimes I wish You would take Hunter. I hate when I feel that way! Please help me to be a better mother. I feel as though I live in a combat zone and I’m constantly battling this invading army that is trying to take down my family. Nightmares of being ambushed by hostile forces plague me. I sleep, but get no rest. This is my life.

September 9, 2001—The only birthday present I want is healing for Hunter. Is that too much to ask, Lord? Who am I to question what is beyond my comprehension? I can’t help it; this is so hard. When I don’t understand, please help me to trust that You are in control.

I think if my mother had it her way, Hunter would move in with her. They’re so cute together. Rescue Heroes, Playdoh, Lite Brite, and magnets are a big hit lately… Oh, and baking continues to be a common adventure around here. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if I learned how to cook… Nope, don’t have time… ha, ha.

October 31, 2001 (Halloween)—Hunter dressed up as Franklin the Turtle. I can’t believe I found just the right pieces to make his costume. He’s adorable.

November 17, 2001 (Ralph Wilson Stadium, Wall of Fame)—I don’t know if I can describe the thrilling moments our family experienced today at the Buffalo Bills Wall of Fame ceremony. It was so exciting! Just thinking about it makes me cry.

Our entire family, decked out in number 12 jerseys, headed over to the stadium in typical Kelly game-day fashion: by motor home. Much preparation was needed in order to get Hunter and the girls ready to walk out onto the football field. The deafening roar of 80,000 wild Bills fans was exhilarating. I was so excited for Hunter I could hardly contain myself.

What an honor for Jim’s number to be retired and his name to go up on the stadium wall. What an even greater blessing to have Hunter there to experience it with his daddy. Unbelievable! God, You are so good.

December 10, 2001—Hunter weighs 28 pounds and he’s getting so tall.

Christmas is approaching, so there’s been a lot of holiday activity going on around the house. Tammy [Hunter’s nurse] says that whenever she and Hunter play a board game together, he always wins. She doesn’t let him win, he just does. He’s so cool. We made a gingerbread house the other day, played with snow, and painted some really cool tree ornaments.

Hunter loves any activity where he can get all messy—typical boy. Camryn hounds Hunter continuously so she can join in on whatever he’s doing. She is the sweetest little sister. They love each other so much. Whenever Erin and Camryn snuggle or play with Hunter, there is a look of contentment on his face that is unmistakable. I can only imagine what he’s thinking or what he might want to say to them. It’s so hard to describe, but I can see love all over my boy. He’s happy. Despite everything he must endure, he’s happy to be here; to be alive; to be near his sisters. In return, their brother has taught the girls the meaning of unconditional love by letting them experience it long before they were old enough to understand its literal significance.

Hunter has a fresh haircut for Christmas. He