Without a Word_ How a Boy's Unspoken Love Changed Everything - Jill Kelly [66]
I miss Hunter’s warm, soft skin and his smile. I miss kissing his cute face every morning and touching his wavy hair. Even though Hunter couldn’t talk, we understood what he was saying. He would blink once for “yes.” I loved my big brother so much and I didn’t want to let him go. But I know that God had a plan for Hunter’s life and He has a plan for my life too. My mommy says I look like Hunter. I like when she says that.
I remember taking baths with Hunter. My mom, Erin, Hunter, and I would have lots of fun in the Jacuzzi. One time we put bubble bath in the water and put the jets on and the bathtub overflowed with bubbles. You couldn’t even see us, there were so many bubbles. Erin and I put bubbles on our heads and in our hands and blew them at Mommy and Hunter. It was hilarious.
My brother loved horses. His favorite horse was Bambi. Bambi is a chestnut brown horse, and she has a white spot on the tip of her nose and one between her eyes that looks like a star. She lives in Attica at my mommy’s aunt’s barn near Grammie’s house. Hunter got to ride her a few times. When Hunter got bigger, my mom had to hold him sideways across Bambi’s back. I was so afraid that he might fall off or that his oxygen might get disconnected. We were always very careful with Hunter. When Bambi had her baby Ohmeister, we went to visit her and she licked my mom’s shoes. It was so funny. My mom always forgot to bring carrots for the horses. I haven’t been to the barn to visit Bambi since Hunter went to heaven. I miss her. I wonder if Hunter misses her.
The most terrible moment in my life was when my mom, dad, and Grammie told me that Hunter went to heaven. I cried my eyes out. I didn’t want it to be true. But it was. We were all crying. I still cry sometimes.
My best friend Cara had to give her dog Maisy away the other day. I felt so bad for her. She’ll never see Maisy again, just like I’ll never see Hunter again. But I’ll see him in heaven. I wonder when that day will come. I get butterflies in my belly just thinking about it.
Hunter would always brighten up my day. I love my brother so much that sometimes I feel like my heart will explode. I wish he were still here with me, but I know that heaven is the best home for him and all of us. I wonder what he’s doing there right now. I wonder what his voice sounds like and if he’ll look the same. I also wonder if animals talk in heaven. That would be so cool.
I can’t wait to see Hunter again. I can’t wait to see Jesus. Waiting can be very hard. I sometimes wish I could go to heaven right now. But that’s God decision, not mine.
Hunter was the best brother and still is, today and forever and ever. He will always have a special place in my heart.
Erin Marie had a very hard time writing her letter. She is still grieving. And although she doesn’t cry or talk about her brother very often, I know she’s heartbroken. I see her pain when she gets frustrated and angry for no reason. I hear the desperate cry of her heart in her silence. Here’s what Erin wrote:
Thoughts from my heart… by Erin Kelly
I had a difficult time deciding what to write for this book. There’s so much I want to say about my brother, but it’s hard to describe how I feel. I miss Hunter. But I believe I will see him again. Until that day, I know living without him will be terribly hard. Hopefully I will carry the memory of his incredible life with me for as long as I live. I want to remember everything about him. He was an incredible boy, and very handsome too. I love him so much.
To express what my heart longs to say, I decided to write Hunter a letter. And through my words to him, I hope you can catch a glimpse of how much he changed my life. I’ll never be the same. I miss him so much.
Dear Hunterboy,
No words can express how much I love you. There is no mountain high enough to keep me