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Othello is a play about love and jealousy.

Overly generalized theses avoid complexity. Such statements usually lead either to say-nothing theses or to reductive either/or thinking. Similar to a thesis that makes no claim, theses with overly broad claims say nothing in particular about the subject at hand and so are not likely to guide a writer’s thinking beyond the listing stage. One of the best ways to avoid drafting overly broad thesis statements is to sensitize yourself to the characteristic phrasing of such theses: “both positive and negative,” “many similarities and differences,” or “both pros and cons.” Virtually everything from meatloaf to taxes can be both positive and negative.

Solution: Convert broad categories and generic claims to more specific, more qualified assertions; find ways to bring out the complexity of your subject.

Solution Examples

Although violent revolutions begin to redress long-standing social inequities, they often do so at the cost of long-term economic dysfunction and the suffering that attends it.

The differences between the Carolingian and Burgundian Renaissances outweigh the similarities.

Although Othello appears to attack jealousy, it also supports the skepticism of the jealous characters over the naïveté of the lovers.

Getting Beyond the All-Purpose Thesis: A Dance Professor Speaks

In the following Voice from Across the Curriculum, dance professor Karen Dearborn offers examples of thesis statements that do more than offer standard “different but alike” phrasing.

Voices from Across the Curriculum

Making the Thesis Specific

Not so good thesis/question: “What were Humphrey’s and Weidman’s reasons behind the setting of With My Red Fires, and of what importance were the set and costume design to the piece as a whole?”

Good thesis: “While Graham and Wigman seem diff erent, their ideas on inner expression (specifically subjectivism versus objectivism) and the incorporation of their respective countries’ surge of nationalism bring them much closer than they appear.”

What I like about the good thesis is that it moves beyond the standard “they are diff erent, but alike” (which can be said about anything) to actually tell the reader what specific areas the paper will explore. I can also tell that the subject is narrow enough for a fairly thorough examination of one small slice of these two major choreographers’ work rather than some over-generalized treatment of these two historic figures.

—Karen Dearborn, Professor of Dance

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Try This 12.1: Revising Weak Thesis Statements

You can learn a lot about writing strong thesis statements by analyzing and rewriting weak ones. For the following example, first identify the type of problem for each thesis. Then rewrite them, providing solutions as we have done. Revising will require you to add information and thinking—to come up with some interesting claims that most readers would not already have thought of.

In this paper, I discuss police procedures in recent domestic violence cases.

The way that the media portrayed the events of April 30, 1975, when Saigon fell, greatly influenced the final perspectives of the American people toward the end result of the Vietnam War.

From cartoons in the morning to adventure shows at night, there is too much violence on television.

The songs of the punk rock group Minor Threat relate to the feelings of individuals who dare to be different. Their songs are just composed of pure emotion. Pure emotion is very important in music because it serves as a vehicle to convey the important message of individuality. Minor Threat’s songs are meaningful to me because I can identify with them.

It is important to understand why leaders act in a leadership role. What is the driving force? Is it an internal drive for the business or group to succeed, or is it an internal drive for the leader to dominate over others?

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HOW TO REPHRASE THESIS STATEMENTS: SPECIFY AND SUBORDINATE

Weak thesis statements can be quickly identified by their word choice and syntax