Writing Analytically, 6th Edition - Rosenwasser, David & Stephen, Jill [171]
By replacing the equal sign with a more active verb, you can force yourself to advance some sort of claim, as in one of our solutions: “The differences between the Carolingian and Burgundian Renaissances outweigh the similarities.” While this reformulation remains quite general, it at least begins to direct the writer along a more particular line of argument. Replacing is or are (verbs that function only as equal signs) with stronger verbs usually impels you to rank ideas in some order of importance and to assert some conceptual relation among them.
The best way to remedy the problem of overgeneralization is to move toward specificity in word choice, in sentence structure, and in idea. If you find yourself writing “The economic situation is bad,” consider revising it to “The tax policies of the current administration threaten to reduce the tax burden on the middle class by sacrificing education and health care programs for everyone.”
Here’s the problem/solution in schematic form:
By eliminating the weak thesis formula—broad noun plus is plus vague evaluative adjective—a writer is compelled to qualify, or define carefully, each of the terms in the original proposition, arriving at a more particular and conceptually rich assertion.
A second way to rephrase overly broad thesis statements, in tandem with adding specificity, is to subordinate one part of the statement to another. The both-positive-and-negative and both-similarity-and-difference formulae are recipes for say-nothing theses because they encourage pointless comparisons. Given that it is worthwhile to notice both strengths and weaknesses—that your subject is not all one way or all another—what, then, can you do to convert the thesis from a say-nothing to a saysomething claim? Generally, there are two strategies for this purpose that operate together. The first we have already discussed.
1. Specify: Replace the overly abstract terms—terms like positive and negative (or similar and different)—with something specific; name something that is positive and something that is negative instead.
2. Subordinate: Rank one of the two items in the pairing underneath the other.
When you subordinate, you put the most important, pressing, or revealing side of the comparison in what is known as the main clause and the less important side in what is known as the subordinate clause, introducing it with a word like while or although. (See Glossary of Grammatical Terms in Chapter 19 for the definitions of main and subordinate clauses.)
In short, specify to focus the claim, and subordinate to qualify (further focus) the claim still more. This strategy produces the remedies to both the Othello and the violent revolution examples in Weak Thesis Type 5. As evidence of the refocusing work that fairly simple rephrasing accomplishes, consider the following version of the violent revolution example, in which we merely invert the ranking of the two items in the pair.
Although violent revolutions often cause long-term economic dysfunction and the suffering that attends it, such revolutions at least begin to redress long-standing social inequities.
Is it Okay to Phrase a Thesis as a Question?
A question frequently asked about thesis statements is: Is it okay to phrase a thesis as a question? The answer is both yes and no. Phrasing a thesis as a question makes it more difficult for both the writer and the reader to be sure of the direction the paper takes because a question doesn’t make an overt claim. Questions, however, can clearly imply claims. And