Yesterday, I Cried_ Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving - Iyanla Vanzant [102]
Rhonda returned to the Federal Office of Investigation with the papers they had requested. They told her to have a seat; they couldn’t find her file. They looked for hours, and the file was never found. They told her she was free to go. Rhonda was relieved. But she was still hurt by the whole affair, and it affected her law school graduation. Like her graduation from college, the ceremony was anticlimactic. Because Rhonda had gone to law school for the wrong reasons, graduation did not bring her the fulfillment she was seeking. So many people had doubted that she could ever make it, and she had proved them wrong. But Daddy was dead, and Nett was too ill to attend. So neither of them was present to witness her accomplishment.
The three years of law school had been grueling. Rhonda hardly had the strength to celebrate. Constant money problems had taken their toll. Trying to understand briefs and motions and Supreme Court cases was mentally and physically exhausting. Trying to remember all of the things she was supposed to know about being a priest, and constant worry about Nett, even after the betrayal, had added to the heavy burden she carried with her all through school.
The children were ecstatic. Their mother was going to be a lawyer! They were famous people on the block. Rhonda knew she was “famous” in their minds, but that wasn’t enough, because she blamed herself for what she had put them through. Watching them get dressed on the morning of graduation, Rhonda wondered if it had all been worth it. Damon and Gemmia had after-school jobs and were handling most of the household bills. Nisa, who was trying her best to get through puberty, was having a great deal of trouble. She had a reading disability and was falling behind in school. She needed her mother in a way that Damon and Gemmia never had. Rhonda had had neither the presence of mind nor the ability to give her the nurturing and support she craved. Rhonda had never learned how to do that. She had only learned the rules.
Adeyemi was wandering. Every now and then, he would have a little fling, and each time he did, Rhonda would find out about it. They had tried living together, but in the end, Rhonda moved out on her own. Their relationship was changing, and it was frightening to her to realize that many things in her life had changed significantly. Graduation from law school meant things were about to change even more. She wasn’t sure how much more change she could take.
Rhonda was offered a job in Philadelphia. She wanted to go, but she didn’t want to leave Nett. Adeyemi didn’t want to leave New York. He didn’t want to be that far from his children, and he was in school at Lincoln University. Rhonda had many decisions to make. Graduation meant that she didn’t have long to make them.
She spent most of the summer studying for the bar exam. Once it was over, she asked Nett if she wanted to move to Philadelphia. She was sad but relieved when Nett said she didn’t want to go. Again, Nett understood that Rhonda had to get on with her life. Rhonda understood that she had to put some distance between herself and Nett, for her own good.
The month before Rhonda was to move to Philadelphia, Adeyemi decided he was going to give his marriage another try. Rhonda had seen it coming this time, but she did everything in her power to avoid it.
“All of the things I have learned in our relationship, I need to share with her,” Adeyemi explained. “She stayed with me for fifteen years. She is a habit that is hard for me to break. I know that if you and I are meant to be together, we will be. But for right now, my wife and my children are what I need.”
Rhonda sat on the edge of her bed and stared at the man she had loved since she was thirteen. She knew he was leaving and that