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By Root 894 0

and another one where I was naked. I wonder who took that one? I laid them all in front of me on the desk, trying to remember the times and experiences of my life. There were some tears and some smiles, but I knew the time had come for me to say good-bye. I needed closure. I realized that all of my efforts would be for naught until there was absolute closure between who I was and who I am. For me, it wasn’t enough to forgive, to surrender, or to make peace. I needed a concrete demonstration that it was over. That my life and everything about it up until the day I changed my name and nature was completely closed. I decided to write Rhonda a letter and tell her what I was planning to do. In all things be grateful.

Dear Rhonda Eva Harris, also known as Ronnie:

I write this letter to thank you for all you have been to me. I thank you for all you have been in my life, and for the many ways in which you have served me. We have had many great times together, and while our relationship was healthy and purposeful at one time, I find that our relationship no longer serves me. Our relationship no longer supports what I desire in my life, or the purpose I believe God intends for me. I find that we now have an unholy relationship, which I no longer choose to continue. Therefore, I now release you from any and all unconscious and conscious agreements we have made in the past to continue this relationship. I now forgive you totally and unconditionally for any and all conscious and unconscious thoughts, words, and actions committed by you that have had an unloving, nonsupportive, unhealthy impact on my life. I now ask for and claim your forgiveness for any and all conscious and unconscious thoughts, words, and actions of mine that have held you in a condition of lack, fear, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, or any other unhealthy emotion. You are now free to pursue your higher and greater good. I am now free to pursue my higher and greater good. I wish for you love, light, peace, and an abundance of every good thing in God’s kingdom. I release you. I surrender the energy of you in my being to the presence of the Holy Spirit and ask that any memory of you be transformed to productive and useful energy according to God’s perfect plan for my life. I love you. I bless you.

Iyanla Vanzant

I took the letter and the pictures outside to the hole my husband had dug with a spoon. After saying a brief prayer for Rhonda, I set each picture on fire in the hole, allowing the smoke to rise. I kissed the letter, placed it on top of the remnants of the burned pictures, and covered the hole. After praying again, I knew that I had brought Rhonda’s life to closure. The only thing left to do was to bring closure to the things she had put in place in my life, her relationship with Karen.

For three days, I tried to figure out just what to say and how to say it. I wrote it down, thinking I could read it. I practiced it over and over in my mind and out loud. Each time I reached for the telephone, my mouth would go dry and my palms would begin to sweat. I was about to do a new thing, ask for exactly what I wanted. I was prepared to do it in a new way, honestly. I was willing, but I was also scared to death. What do you want? I want to tell this woman—a sister and friend who has served me—that our time together is over. What is your greatest strength? God. What is your greatest weakness? Not trusting God. What is your greatest fear? That God is not home today. No. Just kidding. I have no fear because I know God is with me. Whenever you declare yourself to be a thing, everything unlike you will challenge you! The remnants of fear were definitely challenging me. What am I afraid of? Are you afraid, or are you ashamed? Afraid and ashamed. I think I am ashamed that I did not see this before now. I am ashamed that I stayed in this so long, that I didn’t have the courage to leave before now. What are you afraid of? I am afraid she will get mad at me. I am afraid she will not like me or love me anymore. Are you afraid or is Rhonda afraid?

It was like a bucket