Yesterday, I Cried_ Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving - Iyanla Vanzant [26]
After the time Grandma shouted, they always got to sit in the front row. It had happened so fast, Rhonda could hardly catch her breath or figure out what was going on. The Reverend was preaching, the organist and guitarist were playing, the choir was singing, and people were moaning and rocking. Then the Reverend started singing and swinging his tie over his head. People were up on their feet, waving their hands and slapping tambourines against their hips. The drums were beating out a ferocious tempo.
One minute Grandma was sitting there, her normal, cool self, and the next minute she was up on one foot, dancing, screaming, and waving her hands wildly in the air. As she shouted, she lost pieces of her clothing and her pearls. The church ladies in their white uniforms caught Grandma before she fell, convulsing, to the floor. Rhonda had seen it happen to other people, at other times, but to see it happen to Grandma was frightening. The church mothers came running from everywhere. They laid Grandma on the floor between the pews and covered her with a white blanket while her body calmed from spasmodic jerks to a mild trembling. According to every television program Rhonda had ever seen, a body on the floor, covered in white, meant death. Rhonda watched and waited for Grandma’s body to stop moving, realizing that once it did, she would never have to take another healing bath. But also realizing that if it did, she might never have another decent meal.
Rhonda learned about spirituality and things of a spiritual nature under a cloud of suspense and fear. The same is true for so many children. Most children get religion. They are sent to church. They are told Bible stories. They learn the rudiments and regimens of religious practice. They are definitely taught that they are sinners. They are taught what not to do. They are also taught that if they commit the forbidden acts, God will get them. Children like Rhonda are taught about a cruel and punishing God. A God who is displeased with you and most of what you do unless you follow certain “prescriptions.” Few children are taught that they are not separate from God, or that it is possible to develop an intimate relationship with God. They believe, like the adults who teach or do not teach them, that God is somewhere “out there,” separate and apart from you, waiting for you to make the wrong move.
Rhonda couldn’t seem to follow the prescriptions that would please God or Grandma. She wanted to. She really tried to. But the fact that she was always being punished, beaten, or bathed confirmed for her all that she had heard in church—she was a wretched sinner, destined to go to hell. Without an explanation from Grandma, or Daddy, or anyone else, she, like so many children, was left to her own perceptions and understandings.
Rhonda figured out very early in life that she was bad, and that something bad was going to happen to her. When Grandma started shouting in church, for a brief moment, Rhonda thought that something bad was happening to Grandma, too. But when Grandma didn’t die, Rhonda remembered that Grandma was a saint, according to the church. Grandma, who prayed just before she cursed, or as she scrubbed Rhonda until she was bloody. The same Grandma who berated her son, and who reserved lipstick wearing for Sundays, was not a sinner. She was a woman bound and determined to do God’s work. And without any additional information, Rhonda thought it was Grandma’s job to save her from hell.
Rhonda’s family wasn’t big, but they all got together on Thanksgiving and Christmas. They had birthday parties; they went together to Aunt Dora and