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By Root 866 0

Uncle Lowell’s house in Atlantic City, and to Uncle Jimmy’s farm in the summer. Rhonda figured that they all knew the family secret—that she was bad and destined for hell. Rhonda also concluded that was the reason no one ever came to her defense when she was being pinched, slapped, or beaten in their presence. Bad children expect bad things to happen to them. They expect to be punished. Instead of defending her, people winked conspiratorially, nodded knowingly, and secretly shoved money in Rhonda’s pockets. Rhonda wondered if they knew about the baths. She wondered if they knew about the times when Grandma locked her in the closet when she went to work. Did they know that in Grandma’s care, Rhonda’s life was in danger? Did they know but were too afraid to care? Or did they know and just not care?

Where do children learn about God or love or life if not through the actions of those entrusted with their care? How do children learn to distinguish between loving acts, done to guide and protect the child, and those committed in mindless rage or misguided authority? From whom, and under what circumstances, do children learn to distinguish the difference between a loving hurt and hurts caused by lovelessness? And why do the adults raising children believe that love has to hurt in order to be love?

Rhonda, like so many children, learned about love through pain, abusive, negligently inflicted, and unnecessary pain. She learned about God in the midst of fear. She learned to expect pain as an ingredient of being loved. She learned that people who claim to love you can cause, and will ignore, your pain. Rhonda learned through the actions of her “loved ones” to expect that an act of love would be preceded by the imposition of pain. None of this was ever explained to her. She learned it all by watching and listening, and by experiencing the pain. Rhonda learned that if you do the wrong thing, those who love you will hurt you. And no matter how badly you hurt, or what you have done, if you bear the pain of love silently, you can hope against hope that someone will, one day, love you enough to hurt you again.

The water in the tub was beginning to feel a little cool against my body, but I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t move. There is no way to think about Grandma without thinking about Rhonda’s Daddy, Grandma’s son.

CHAPTER THREE

What’s the Lesson When You Do Not Realize That You Are a Teacher?

A prophet is not without honour, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house.

Mark 6:4

ALL LITTLE GIRLS WANT TO BE LOVED and protected and praised by their daddies. A daddy is a hero to his little girl even when the rest of the world thinks he is a bum. In a little girl’s eyes, Daddy can do no wrong, unless he does something to hurt Mommy. But when there is no Mommy, Daddy can do no wrong, no matter how much wrong he does. No little girl wants to disappoint her daddy. She will find a way, something to do, that she hopes will make him smile. And perhaps, if she has done a really good job, he will swoop her up in his arms as a sign of how wonderful he thinks she is. I’m telling you, it would make a little girl’s day and, possibly, a big difference in her life. Love, protection, praise, and swooping from a daddy are elements essential to the tender, budding psyche of all little girls.

All little girls wait for Daddy to come home, even when he doesn’t. All little girls wait to tell Daddy about their day, or week, or month, depending on how long it takes him to show up. Even when he comes late, or doesn’t come at all, there is a secret place in a little girl’s heart where she waits for her daddy. No matter what is going on in a little girl’s life, she believes that Daddy can fix it, save her, and make everything all better, even when he can’t. In this respect, Rhonda was just like all little girls. Daddy was her hero. She needed his love, protection, and praise. She waited, although she never received them. She believed with all of her heart that Daddy could make everything better, even when he couldn’t.

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