150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [89]
What monster movie franchise did writer/director Ted Nicolaou helm, making the series uniquely his own in the process?
A: Mandroid
B: Puppet Master
C: Subspecies
D: Trancers
Answer: C. During the 1990s, Nicolaou wrote and directed four entries in the Subspecies series, plus the loosely affiliated spinoff The Vampire Diaries.
TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST
Brandon Films/Lizard Productions, 1976
PRODUCERS Frank J. Desiderio (executive producer) and Ralph T. Desiderio (producer)
WRITERS William Finger and Charles Sinclair
DIRECTOR Dick Ashe
STARS Chase Cordell (Paul Carlson), Donna Leigh Drake (Kathy Nolan), and Gregorio Sala (Professor Johnny “Longbow” Salinas)
When a meteor crashes near where archaeologist Paul Carlson (Cordell) is stargazing with his free-lovin' honey, Kathy (Drake), a tiny space-rock fragment is lodged in his brain. Now, whenever the moon is in the sky, he transforms into a hideous, reptilian creature. To make matters worse, his body is becoming “molecularly unstable”! Will his American-Indian colleague, Johnny “Longbow” Salinas (Sala) be able to use science and Ancient Native Wisdom to save or slay Paul before he blows up?
Why It Sucks
The acting is universally wooden, the dialogue atrociously written, and the camerawork and other production values are barely competent. In some cases they aren't even that, such as during the painfully bad time-lapse photography sequence of Paul transforming into the Moon Beast. Or maybe when one changes from a human to a giant, humanoid reptile, an extra set of eyes and a second nose appear and disappear as part of the process.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Cinematography Award goes to … R. Kent Evans (hiding behind the pseudonym E. Scott Wood) for stop-motion photography so bad that even grade schoolers would have been embarrassed to show their efforts in public.
And the Worst Writing Award goes to … Bill Finger. Why, Bill, why? You wrote so many great comic book scripts!
They Really Said It!
Johnny Longbow: My guess is that there is some unusual element in this fragment that synchronizes with that larger mass over there and it produces some kind of energy reaction!
Betcha Didn't Know
Although completed in 1972, this film wasn't released until 1976 due to problems finding a distributor willing to take it on.
This was the last (or only) film project for Richard Ashe, Bill Finger, R. Kent Evans, Charles Sinclair, and Gregorio Sala. It's not hard to see why.
Trivia Quiz
What famous comic book hero did Track of the Moon Beast writer William Finger co-create in 1939?
A: The Spirit
B: Superman
C: Batman
D: Spider-Man
Answer: C. Finger was for decades the unacknowledged co-creator of Batman. From 1939 until the mid-1960s, Finger wrote countless Batman stories.
TRANSYLMANIA
Film Rock/Hill & Brand Entertainment, 2009
PRODUCERS Nicolas Bonavia, Aaron L. Gilbert, Edward Jarzobski, Michael Long, Scott Nell (executive producers), Sandford Hampton, and Viorel Sergovici (producers)
WRITERS Patrick Casey and Worm Miller
DIRECTORS David Hillenbrand and Scott Hillenbrand
STARS Oren Skoog (Rusty/Radu), Jennifer Lyons (Lynne), Tony Denman (Newmar), Patrick Cavanaugh (Pete), Paul H. Kim (Wang), Musetta Vander (Teodora Van Sloan), Natalie Garza (Lia), Nicole Garza (Danni), David Steinberg (Dean Floca), James DeBello (Cliff), and Irena A. Hoffman (Draguta Floca)
A group of American college students travel to a remote Transylvanian university for a semester of studying and partying abroad. Will the partying or the vampires kill them first?
Why It Sucks
The humor is more stupidly offensive than funny, and the acting universally weak. The story features numerous characters who do nothing and clutter up the film and story. In the hands of competent writers who understood how to streamline a story (not to mention write funny jokes) and with some better actors, this could have been a really good movie. Oh, well.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Underachievement in Marketing Award goes to … Distribution and production company Hill & Brand Entertainment