A Lion's Tale_ Around the World in Spandex - Chris Jericho [87]
Other guys like the Dirty White Boy and Chris Candido could also do good promos but my favorite guy to watch was Bullet Bob Armstrong, the patriarch of the famous Armstrong wrestling family.
Bullet was in his sixties and rarely wrestled but he was the commissioner of SMW and was responsible for multiple promos on every TV show. He didn’t need anyone to tell him what to say or when to say it, he just needed to know the details of what he was supposed to get across before getting the job done in minimal takes.
I popped huge when he was asked to do a detailed promo to explain one of the complicated angles on the show. He listened to what Jim wanted to accomplish with the segment, thought about it for a few minutes, and went in front of the camera. After delivering a classic, Bullet looked at Cornette and said, “It don’t get any better than that,” then walked out the door without saying another word. Nobody disagreed. That, young Jedi, is known as true confidence.
Even though I was learning from some of the best, my promos were still stanky. I had fire and energy, but my delivery was forced and cheesy. Instead of being cool and likable, I was coming across as insincere and annoying.
Cornette worked with me for hours to help me to improve and when I started using some of his tricks, I got 1,004 times better. Jimmy taught me to stop speaking with the same volume and the same tone and alter my delivery. I started varying my voice, almost speaking with a whisper at times, forcing the fans to really pay attention to what I was saying. That made my point more memorable.
That was the second big lesson I learned about promos. They’re like singing. If you scream the whole song it becomes monotonous. But when you sing with emotion and dynamics, it draws people into the vibe of the song. Then when you blow their heads off with a powerful scream, the performance becomes much more effective and memorable. The whole idea of doing a promo is not to just make jokes and repeat catchphrases, it’s also to make the people watching at home want to buy a ticket to see you. If the promos are good, fans will be familiar with the angles and the personalities and develop an emotional investment in each bout as a result.
CHAPTER 28
AIN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE A FAMOUS WRESTLER?
Unfortunately, Jimmy’s business skills didn’t match his promo skills, and he tried to offset our huge guarantees by booking us on personal appearances.
When we showed up for our first appearance at a furniture store, I had to look in the mirror to make sure I hadn’t transformed into David St. Hubbins because there was nobody there.
I’m not saying there were only four or five people. I’m saying there was Nobody there. NOOOOOBODY!
Only Artie Fufkin begging us to “kick this ass for a man” was missing.
It was embarrassing but the owner of the store wouldn’t let us leave.
“You gotta stay for two hours. I’m paying you seventy-five bucks each.” I would have paid him the seventy-five myself for the right to split. But we had to sit at a table in the middle of the store on a Saturday afternoon with the customers milling around wondering who the hell the two idiots with the stack of photos in front of them were. A couple of kids finally showed up to hang around the table and one of them said, “Ain’t you supposed to be a famous wrestler? How come nobody is here? Where is everybody?”
There’s no way to answer that question with any kind of dignity.
I just smiled and shooed them away. When another kid asked Lance, “Are you a famous pro wrestler?” he deadpanned, “Apparently not.” The kid wilted under Lance’s fuck-off stare and wandered away. The next 112 minutes were long ones indeed.
The silver lining was that the owner of the furniture store had connections in the music business and offered