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Strength?

You have to be fairly strong to feel anything as powerful as hatred or self-hatred. Addiction and suicide are not for the weak.

I think that’s ridiculous.

Ridiculous things can be true.

Why do your Parents make you so angry?

I don’t know.

Did you experience abuse as a child?

Not that I remember.

Do you think it’s possible?

No.

Why?

I grew up in a safe, sheltered environment. My Parents have always loved me and they’ve always tried to protect me and they’ve always tried to do their best by me. They fucking piss me off, but there is no way they ever abused me.

What about someone else?

No.

Are you sure?

Yes.

I pull a cigarette from my pocket, light it, take a drag. The nicotine slows my heart and calms me.

What next?

Lunch, and after that you go down to the Family Center. You’ll spend the afternoon in Group Sessions with the Members of other People’s Families until dinner. After dinner, we’ll sit down with your Parents again.

Why?

To discuss this morning.

That’ll be fun.

You were brave this morning. You were very honest and very straightforward and you said a lot of things that probably weren’t easy to say. Your Parents reacted in a very normal, natural way, and if they hadn’t reacted that way, I would be worried about our ability to make progress with them. Now that they know what they need to know, we can work on healing your wounds and figuring out how you can get along better.

When will we be done tonight?

Depends on what we get into with your Parents.

Give me an estimate.

You trying to meet up with Lilly?

What?

You heard me.

Yeah, I’m trying to meet up with Lilly.

Don’t.

Why?

If you get caught, you’ll be in serious trouble.

Sounds like I got caught already.

There is an idea that there is something going on. We have not caught you.

Where’d you get the idea?

I can’t discuss that with you.

You want me to discuss things with you, but you won’t discuss things with me. That’s fucking bullshit, Joanne.

You think so?

Yeah, I do. You be straight with me, I’ll be straight with you. That’s the fucking deal. If it’s not, you can go fuck yourself.

I’m not your enemy.

You are if you’re not straight with me.

Lilly is very smitten with you. One of the Counselors on her Unit overheard her talking to one of her Girlfriends about you. She has since heard Lilly talking about you a number of other times. It seems that you’re all that Lilly wants to talk about.

I smile.

Why are you smiling?

I like that she’s smitten with me.

It’s a bad idea, James.

Why?

You should be concentrating on what you’re here for, which is getting sober and rebuilding your life. Lilly is a distraction that takes you away from that. Both of you are very fragile and vulnerable right now, and if something went wrong between the two of you, it would jeopardize your sobriety.

I can handle it.

Overconfidence kills a lot of People.

She makes me feel good, better than I feel with anyone else.

I’m sure she does, but that doesn’t change our Policy.

I don’t want to let her go.

It’s in the best of interests of both of you.

I’ll take your advice under consideration.

Take it further than that.

I stand.

I’m going to eat.

She nods.

I’ll see you tonight.

I turn and I open her door and I walk out of Joanne’s Office. I go the Dining Hall. As I walk down the Glass Corridor separating the men from the women, I see Lilly sitting at a table. She is staring at me and I stare back, though I make no other sort of acknowledgment. It is hard to stare at her, hard because she’s not the distant Girl who smiles at me anymore. She has become more than that, more than I expected her to become and more than I was looking for her to become. She is becoming what I wanted she the last with the Arctic eyes to become, which is someone who loves me. Simply and truly and as I am. It is hard to stare at her because as I know she is starting to love me, I am starting to love her. I don’t care what she’s done or who she’s done it with, I don’t care about whatever demons may be in