A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [60]
You like everything?
Yeah.
You need anything else?
No, this is great.
I stand and I walk to my Brother and I lean over and I give him a hug and I whisper thank you in his ear and I do the same with Julie and Kirk and I gather up my things and I walk toward the door.
You want me to show you around?
They stand. My Brother speaks.
That’d be great.
They follow me out and we walk through the maze of bright, light, clean, uncomfortable Halls and Julie tells me that she has been here before because one of her closest friends was here a couple of years ago. It was an awful time and her friend was in awful shape, but she got better and she is still better today. The memories are bittersweet.
We find our way to the Unit and I go to my Room to put my stuff away and my Brother and Julie and Kirk wait for me on the Upper Level. When I walk in, the Room is empty. I go to my corner and I set down my new things on my bed and I sit down on the bed and I stare at them. They are simple things. Necessities to most people. Clothes and toiletries. Food. Some books to occupy my mind. Simple things. I touch them and I hold them and I feel them. They are the nicest things I have had in a long time.
I know my Brother and Julie and Kirk are waiting for me, so I leave the Room. I walk to the Upper Level of the Unit and when I arrive, my Brother and Julie and Kirk aren’t there. Ed and Ted are sitting at a table playing cards and drinking coffee and smoking and I ask them if they know where they went and I hope hope hope they didn’t have second thoughts and leave and Ted tells me that they’re watching football and I look over the rail and I see them sitting on the couches with Leonard and with the other men of the Unit and they’re all watching the end of the Cleveland/Pittsburgh game. I walk down and I sit on the floor in front of the couches and I watch the game with them and Cleveland wins and the Winners collect their booty and the Losers bitch and moan and increase the size of their bets on the next game. The man who bet his slippers lost his bet. Now he wants to bet his sweater.
Julie doesn’t want to watch any more football and suggests we take a walk. Everyone agrees and I go and get Hank’s jacket and my new hat and I put them on and we go outside and it’s clear and the Sun is out and the air is crisp and the ground is soggy and it’s as nice a day as there is at this time of the year in Minnesota.
The Clinic sits on a thousand acres. Aside from the Buildings, which are all interconnected and spread across about five acres, the rest of the Land is for walking and meditating and spending time alone. There are Trails, there are Clearings along the Trails, there are benches in the Clearings. There are patches of dense Forest, two small Lakes, several wide, tall-grass Pastures, there is a Swamp with an Elevated Walk. Julie knows the Trails from her previous visits here so she leads the way. There is little or no talking except for the occasional comment on our surroundings. Leaves and sticks crack beneath our feet. The Sun is warm and bright and shining, the Sky blue blue blue. Animals and birds are calling and screaming and playing, foraging for food. A breeze brings a spell of cold and another breeze carries the cold away. The Earth is still asleep and will be sleeping for the rest of the Winter, but it is stirring and moving. We pass other Patients and we pass other Visitors and there is usually a nod and nothing more. The Land is showing life and everyone wants to soak it in and appreciate it and remember it. Life. Remember showing life.
Our walk takes a still, quiet hour and ends near the back of the Medical Unit. As we emerge from thick wood, we are met by screams, long loud piercing screams. My Brother and Julie and Kirk stare at the dark, barred windows and my Brother asks me what’s happening inside and why people are screaming. I tell him that it’s the cost of doing business here and I pick up the pace so that we won’t have to listen to them, but even after