A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [98]
I stand.
Do I need to do anything else this afternoon?
Just think.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
I walk to the door and I walk out and I shut the door behind me and I walk back to the Unit. I go to my Room and I look at the clock next to Miles’s bed it reads three forty-two. I am meeting Lilly in eighteen minutes.
I get Hank’s jacket. I put it on and I walk through the Unit. I open one of the glass doors and I step outside. I walk through the grass there is no dew and I find the Trail and I enter the Wood there is Sun streaming through gaps in the trees like girders of light. I walk along the Trail. I see broken branches and I see torn leaves spread like crumbs and the torn leaves lead me. The signs of my destruction lead me.
I push my way through the thick and I step into the Clearing. It is empty. I sit down on the dirt and I lie back and I close my eyes. I have not slept enough and I am tired. I need more sleep I am tired. Tired. I am tired.
I feel a hand on my face. It’s soft and warm, resting on my cheek, caressing it without moving. Lips follow it on the other cheek, full and wet and soft and gentle. There is sweet breath behind and sweet breath after. They both leave my cheek I wish they would stay. I open my eyes and I slowly sit up. Lilly is next to me, bundled in a large green Army jacket, black hair in braided pigtails, her pale skin reflecting a girder of Sun. She smiles and she speaks.
Hi.
What time is it?
She looks at a cheap plastic Superwoman watch on her wrist. Beneath it I see scars.
Four-ten.
I rub my face.
I fell asleep.
She smiles again.
I woke you up.
I smile.
I’m glad.
She leans forward and she kisses me on the cheek. She holds her lips soft wet warm and gentle. My instinct is to pull away, but I don’t. When she pulls away, she leaves sweet breath behind her.
Answer a question for me.
Okay.
Do you have a Girlfriend?
I hesitate, a flash of her, Arctic and blonde.
No.
Why’d you hesitate?
I did, but I don’t anymore. I thought of her for a second.
Where is she?
I have no idea.
When was the last time you spoke to her?
About a year ago.
You over her?
No.
Lilly smiles, leans forward and she kisses my lips.
That’s too bad.
I smile. I have no words. If I did have words, they would mean nothing.
You want a smoke?
She reaches into one of the pockets of her jacket and she pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
Yeah.
I take one.
You got a lighter?
I reach into my pocket, pull out a lighter.
Yeah.
I flip it, light her smoke, light mine.
You having a good day?
I inhale. I feel the nicotine immediately. It doesn’t feel as good as Lilly’s kiss.
It’s been long.
She inhales, stares at me.
They’re all long in here.
My instinct is to look away, but I don’t.
Yeah.
Tell me something.
All right.
Why are you here?
Here at this place or here with you?
Either one.
I don’t know.
She smiles.
That’s a good answer.
My instinct is to look away, but I don’t. I speak.
Why are you here?
She smiles.
Here at this place or here with you?
I smile.
Either.
I came to this place because of my Grandma.
She brought you in?
She convinced me to bring myself in.
How’d she do that?
She loved me and she took care of me even though I was a total disaster, and whenever I did something stupid, which was pretty much every day, she told me that when I was ready to learn about freedom, I should come talk to her. A while back something really, really awful happened. It fucked me up bad and I went and found her and I asked her what she meant. She told me that I was a Prisoner of my Mom and all of her problems and a Prisoner of my Dad who I don’t remember and she told me that I was Prisoner of drugs and sex and of myself. She told me that living life as a Prisoner was a waste of life and that freedom, even a second of freedom, was worth more than a lifetime of bondage. She told me if I wanted to learn more, to come talk to her again the next day. I did, and she told me the