Awkward Family Photos - Mike Bender [2]
Warning: This pose isn’t for the conservative family. It’s for the clan with sass, one that wants to convey, “Heads up,” “Coming at ya,” “In your face,” “Take a closer look,” and, of course, “You rang?” Combine with two arm-fold bookends and you’ve got yourselves an album scorcher.
The Pile-On
For that tight-knit group who are so close, they are literally on top of one another. For maximum comfort, go denim.
The Oh-What-a-Feeling
If you get the urge to jump for joy at your next family reunion, then reach for the sky with this overly enthusiastic fan favorite. Fully extended arms won’t get you any higher, but they will distract others from noticing there’s only an inch between you and the ground.
If only there was some way to tell who is who …
… Ah, that’s more like it.
Even though they share the same last name, physical features, and chromosomal makeup, some families feel the need to present even more evidence that they’re related. What better way to do that than through the unifying power of matching clothing?
For Mom and Dad, taking the family portrait is serious business. After all, this is their chance to show everyone at work how perfect their kids are. So, when things go awry, they are there to keep the progeny in line. Sort of.
o matter how old we are, our parents always seem like the most awkward people who have ever lived. Dad is famous for his Hawaiian shirts, taking naps at the movies, and singing along to the easy listening station while we’re in the backseat with our friends. Mom is known for her perms, constantly mispronouncing people’s names, and insisting on coming into the party to pick us up. And no matter how many times we roll our eyes and ask them to please not be so embarrassing, they continue to make it their mission to humiliate us on a daily basis.
Truth is, that embarrassment is a small price to pay for having two people who will always be there for us. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to lower the pants a few inches, lose the fanny packs, and stop picking up the phone when we’re already on the line.
Who says fathers and sons have trouble showing affection?
Mom will support you no matter what you decide to do in life as long as it’s exactly what she tells you.
Yes, this is the man that will be guiding you through the most important decisions of your life.
Lately, Mom and Dad have been doing everything together.
One summer when I was sixteen, I was hanging out with my dad (he worked from home for a few years). One day my mom called just to check in. I picked up the phone to say “Hi” to my mom. Seconds later my dad picked up, not knowing that I had as well. He propositioned my mother for a “quickie.” My mother hesitated and then said, “Son, are you still on the phone?”
Jeff
Little Rock, Arkansas
I was a big Yankees fan growing up, and when my dad bought tickets to take me to my first game, I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to go to Yankee Stadium, eat a hot dog, and maybe catch a foul ball (I, of course, brought a mitt just in case). In the fifth inning, I couldn’t believe it when a foul ball was actually headed our way. I stood up, raised my glove into the air … and was knocked to the ground by another fan, who jumped on top of me to catch it. The other fan was my dad.
Doug
Bernardsville, New Jersey
I recently brought several loads of laundry to my parents’ house to do while they were out of town. Today, I received the following e-mail from my dad:
Found what appears to be black ladies’ underdrawers (maybe a G-string) in the family room and Tom claims they’re not his. Any ideas? Love, Dad
Vanessa
New York, New York
When I was fifteen, my dad took us on a family cruise to the Caribbean. To save money, we all shared a stateroom. My dad snores at night, and after a few days of no sleep I decided to shove my bedding in the tub and sleep there. Around 5 A.M. I woke up to my dad making sounds on the toilet. I was afraid I’d give him a heart attack if I said something, so I remained quiet behind the