Belly Laughs_ The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth - Jenny McCarthy [16]
Beyond guessing that it was someone named Kegel, I don’t know the answer to the who, only to the why. Kegels are supposed to improve muscle tone in your wazoo so your post-delivery healing process is a lot faster. That is, after you blow out your vagina in delivery these magical Kegels are supposed to help make it bounce back into shape. Strong Kegels are also supposed to help you regain control of your leaky bladder after delivery.
Even though doing my Kegels annoyed me, my husband kept bugging me to do them because he was scared that the next time we had sex it would feel like he was throwing a hot dog down a hallway. And I believe those were his exact words. So, there I was on the couch watching Friends, squeezing away. And there I was in a supermarket line uncomfortably doing my Kegels thinking everyone knew that my vagina was squeezing in and out. And there I was on the phone talking to my mom, and she’s completely unaware her daughter was doing Kegels. Bizarre.
In the end, I say if it’s really possible to get your vagina “back in shape” after delivery, go ahead and do those Kegels. There’s nothing worse than a big, sloppy vagina. You want to keep that thing pretty as long as you can!
Well, It’s Not 1972 Anymore!
(Baby Boomers Explaining How It Was in Their Day)
God love the baby boom generation. Boomers are really making getting old look good. They’re not going to surrender to a rocking chair. They’re going to keep going to their Weight Watchers meetings and doing their cardio class twice a week. And they’re clearing the path for our generation to have more respect when we get older. More power to them.
All this said, I have to say that there are just too many baby boomers out there, and all of them seem to have advice about how pregnancy should be “done.” Here’s an example: My mom’s a boomer, and her take on pregnancy weight gain just blows my mind. Back when she was preggers the doctors were extremely strict about gaining weight. And if you ask most of these baby boomers what they gained, they’ll tell you about eighteen pounds. And do you want to know the reason why? From my perspective, it’s clear that the reason is that all the doctors were men and wanted to keep the chicks skinny. But it’s also because back then the average woman was nineteen or twenty when she started having babies. Now, as you know, women are having babies in their late twenties, their late thirties, and even into their forties. We’re coming in older and heavier, and we’re packing weight in proportion to our age! Good news: The doctors (lots more of them are women now, too!) and books say gaining twenty-five to thirty-five pounds is normal nowadays.
But I’ve done a little research myself, and I think those books and experts are even a little off. Most women I’ve talked to gained about fifty pounds. Sure, there are annoying exceptions, but I swear most were in the fifty zone. Even my doctor said fifty was pretty normal. Of course, I surpassed this new normal by ten pounds, but you get what I’m saying. Maybe Mother doesn’t always know best, you know?
I remember one day in the gym I was walking on the treadmill and a baby boomer was next to me. She struck up a conversation about my pregnant belly and proceeded to ask me how much weight I’d gained so far. I thought the question took balls, but I didn’t mind sharing. At that point (seven months pregnant), I had gained thirty-five pounds. I told her and she almost fell off the treadmill. Her eyes bugged out and she screeched, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! WELL, YOU BETTER SLOW DOWN THERE, SWEETIE, BECAUSE THAT’S JUST RIDICULOUS.” I