Best Friends Forever - Irene S. Levine [12]
THE ENDURING NEED FOR BEST FRIENDS
Despite the fragility of these relationships, the need for close female friendships begins early and never seems to abate. As young girls and adolescents, our best friends enable us to take our first steps out of the proverbial nest, the protective unit of the nuclear family. Best friends allow us to try on new roles, craft an image of who we would like to become by opening up a wide new universe of other girls and women apart from our mothers and sisters.
It’s natural to want to affiliate with other girls and women. No one wants to sit alone in the lunchroom or to be the last one picked in a softball game. That’s why some of our most painful life experiences as young women occurred when we were excluded, bullied, victimized, or dumped during the middle and high school years. Often, one girl is dumped not only by her best friend but also by a whole clique, part of the “mean girls” phenomenon.
Friends are vital to development because they help us see ourselves in a virtual mirror: if we do something silly, they laugh. If we do something nice, they smile. If we do something dumb, they let us know. Childhood friendships are the training ground for adult ones. Over the years, girlfriends continue to help us define our sense of style, values, and career paths, and hold our hands as we struggle with the challenge of aging. If we are lucky and wise as older women, we can still count on our very best girlfriends for pleasure, comfort, and practical support. Since these are among the most meaningful and important relationships in a woman’s life, it’s important to understand their pitfalls and potentials.
CHAPTER 2
BEST FRIENDS: WE JUST CLICKED
“A bosom friend—an intimate friend, you know—a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul. I’ve dreamed of meeting her all my life.”
—LUCY MAUD MONTGOMERY, Anne of Green Gables
Since it was first published in 1903, Anne of Green Gables has been a perennial favorite among girls and women around the world. After all, who among us can’t relate vicariously to the joy of a once lonely young girl making her first best friend?
Anne Shirley, an eleven-year-old orphan who moved from place to place, never had a girlfriend until she arrived at Green Gables. Yet she had a vivid imagination and always dreamed of one day finding a “bosom friend.” When she met Diana Barry, a neighbor’s daughter who lived at Orchard Slope, she instantly knew that she had found her kindred spirit and convinced Diana to take an oath that the two would remain devoted friends forever.
In many ways, the two girls made an odd couple. Anne was homely but bright and spirited. With raven hair, Diana was pretty but only had an average imagination—in fact, she may have been a little boring. Despite their differences, the two quickly forged a close friendship until Anne accidentally served her friend an alcoholic drink, which resulted in Diana’s mother forbidding them from seeing each other again.
In a highly emotional parting, Anne laments: “Why, Diana, I didn’t think anybody could love me. Nobody ever has loved me since I can remember. Oh, this is wonderful! It’s a ray of light which will forever shine on the darkness of a path severed from thee, Diana.”
After Anne saves Diana’s little sister’s life, Mrs. Barry finally recants and allows them to resume their friendship. Somewhat predictably, as Anne’s world and her experience expand, the idealized friendship recedes into the background of her now richer life.
FRIENDSHIP THROUGH ROSE-COLORED GLASSES
Like Anne, nearly all young girls—and many grown ones—have fantasies of finding a very special female friend—a best friend