Best Friends Forever - Irene S. Levine [64]
Then another disturbing pattern emerged. Faith started accusing Mindy or yelling at her all the time. “She blew up at me over the phone one night. I was shocked,” says Mindy. It was devastating to hear Faith’s accusations, especially since Mindy had no idea where they were coming from. She never knew precisely what was going on with her mercurial friend. She could only presume that she was either having a bad day or not feeling well.
Mindy felt like she was walking a tightrope. “I kept my distance, but at the same time tried to reach out in case she needed anything,” says Mindy. But Faith continued to ignore her for days at a time. When she did finally contact Mindy, Faith would act like nothing had happened; there was no mention of the unreturned calls. “She brushed things under the mat,” says Mindy. “She never let on to her true feelings. She bottled everything inside and finally blew up at me. I was crushed, disappointed, hurt, and angry,” she says.
Although she can’t be sure, Mindy suspects that Faith has bipolar disorder because her moods cycled from one extreme to another. Either she was really happy or despondent and not wanting to talk to anyone. Despite the roller coaster ride their friendship became, Mindy had a hard time giving up on her troubled friend, even after Faith eventually severed all contact. Mindy repeatedly tried to call. Faith wouldn’t answer her phone. She sent Faith an e-mail asking her forgiveness, even though she really felt like she hadn’t done anything wrong. “I’m happy with my life the way it is,” Faith responded.
Recognizing the Symptoms of a Mental Disorder in a Friend
Everyone has their ups and downs but some women suffer from serious and persistent emotional problems that can’t be resolved by hugs, long talks, and the support of caring friends. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), about one in four Americans, ages 18 and older, suffers from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year
The odds are good that most women will encounter female friends with problems ranging from mild to severe. Diagnosing a mental disorder isn’t as straightforward as taking an X-ray of your arm to see if it’s fractured or doing a throat culture to see if you have a strep throat. To the contrary, there are no specific laboratory tests or X-rays to diagnose mental disorders.
To the casual observer, different mental disorders have similar and overlapping symptoms which may include: depressed mood, disorganized thinking, loss of contact with reality, suspiciousness, excessive energy and decreased need for sleep, loss of interest in activities that were once satisfying, anxiety, impulsivity, and impaired judgment. To make a diagnosis, a mental health professional needs to take a detailed history, conduct a clinical interview, speak to family members, and to observe the individual’s behavior and symptoms.
No one should ever attempt to diagnose a friend. However, if you see behaviors and symptoms that raise concerns, talk to your friend about them directly (without using labels) and encourage her to seek professional help. In addition, if the person isn’t able to function (e.g., take care of her child, maintain her home, or get to work in the morning), these may indicate deterioration in functioning associated with a mental disorder.
One of the hardest things for Mindy, aside from her concern about Faith, is worrying about the fallout of their breakup; she and Faith have many friends in common. The two women are the coordinators of a local moms’ group and people have started to notice that they no longer talk to each other. “What am I supposed to tell our mutual friends?” says Mindy. “I am not trying to get girls on