Best Friends Forever - Irene S. Levine [92]
If you are still in school or are a mom of someone in school, the message is simple: take advantage of these years as a unique opportunity to cultivate friendships and, afterwards, hang on to the ones that are satisfying. They are valuable investments in your social future.
The Economics of Friendship
A study in the Journal of Socio-Economics suggests that friends are more important than money when it comes to achieving happiness. Using “micro-economic life satisfaction equations” and the “shadow pricing method” (methodologies more commonly used in economics), Dr. Nattavudh Powdthavee of the University of London’s Institute of Education found that increased interactions with friends and relatives resulted in an added value of £85,000 (or about $127,000) a year in life satisfaction. Ironically, increases in actual income bought very little added happiness.
Since nurturing relationships and careers both take time and effort, the research suggests that career-driven individuals who work excessive hours at the expense of their social relationships may be putting their eggs in the wrong basket if they are searching for true happiness.
FRIENDS AT WORK
The adage “never mix work with friendship” has become relatively obsolete. As more women are joining the workforce and spending more hours at work, the workplace (whether it is an office, a retail shop, a factory, or a virtual office) has become a fertile meeting ground for making female friendships. Your friends at work share their passions and understand your ambitions. They make the daily grind more pleasurable and may even be help you advance in your career. If you are fortunate, work friends become plain old friends.
As I think back, some of my longest and closest relationships after college are the ones I made with women I met in the course of my work, either directly in my office setting or more peripherally as colleagues in my profession. When I first joined the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), I shared a space with a woman named Risa, who became a best friend. The same thing happened at my next job when I met Linda. These women have all continued to be friends, both personally and professionally, as the years have passed. As a freelance writer, I’ve developed close bonds with other writers and editors I first met online and later met in person. There are even some people that I’ve never met who live in far-flung places that I still consider friends. I know that the next time I travel to Atlanta, there will be at least one room waiting for me, that of a friend.
One cautionary note on workplace friendships: Women are often worried about getting involved with workplace acquaintances that might later betray them. Yes, this is a situation that calls for some extra caution. While friendships at work generally “work,” they can sour quickly when two people are at different levels of responsibility, particularly if one is supervising the other; if the two are coworkers, and one of them isn’t doing her share of the work; or if two colleagues are very competitive.
At the same time, taking a calculated (and small) risk to get to know someone at work is usually rewarding. A Gallup poll showed that employees with best friends at work not only are happier, but also more productive. Women help us understand and anchor our feelings, expand our networks, learn nuts and bolts, and generally enable us to do a better job. Of course, you need to be certain that the individual you are befriending is truly someone you can trust—which can only be determined with time and experience.
MARRIED AND PARTNERED FRIENDS
It is often far more challenging for women to maintain female friendships when they are coupled than when they are single. Issues crop up about how to balance single friends with a married life and how to make a third person (your friend) feel welcome with a couple. The degree of a woman’s self-sufficiency and the possessiveness of her