Blow Him Away_ How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex - Marcy Michaels [36]
Though simplistic, the psychosexual hard-wiring does appear to fall roughly along such lines. Admitting that men approach sex—and oral sex—in a way that is different from the way women do can help you discover and engage your man's deepest and most powerful desires.
For starters, men get turned on when you compliment them on the body parts that they think are the most important. In a poll taken for a New York newspaper, one hundred men were asked which body parts they thought women found the most attractive. Their top three? Muscular chest and shoulders, muscular arms, and a big penis. When the same amount of women were polled and asked what body parts they found most attractive on a man, they rated small and sexy buttocks first, slimness second, and a flat stomach third. The least valued characteristics for women were a big penis (these can be too big for some women), muscular chest and shoulders, and muscular arms!
Clearly, men and women think differently about what makes a man attractive. If you can figure out the body parts that he takes the most pride in and make sure to openly admire and caress them when he's undressing, in the shower, or as you slide off his clothes, the compliment will race to both of his heads.
In most surveys on the topic, the number of men who fantasize about sex “in a romantic setting” hovers around a meager 4 percent, and a whopping zero percent report fantasizing about “passionately kissing their partners.” By contrast, fantasies about “being promiscuous” and “seducing an innocent” are reported to be around eight times more frequent in men than women. Of course statistics can't explain the nuances of individual behaviors, but here they do function to point out a general truth: woman and men tend to fantasize differently.
Men tend to fantasize about a particular group of situations and roles, all of which can be used in oral sex to heighten stimulation. These fantasies tend to engage issues of power, control, and ego—all aspects of character that are classically praised in men. Initiating sex without saying a single word, openly telling your partner how irresistible he is, playing dominant or submissive, or inviting a third party to participate is sure to tap into one of the central categories of your man's sexual psyche. Swearing unyielding, undying, profound, and faithful love—which may be the cherry on a woman's triple-scoop fantasy—does not appear nearly as frequently in men's sexual fantasies. In fact, in many situations such declarations during sex can easily lead to a sudden rush of blood from the small head to the big one.
Use your man's active sexual fantasizing to your advantage. Surprise him in a restaurant by squeezing his thigh and inviting him to the bathroom. Then give him a treat that will leave him dizzy through dessert. Whether you open the door to greet him as a French maid who speaks very little English, but who certainly knows how to make her agenda clear, or simply grab his crotch with a feistiness that's a little out of the ordinary, there's no way to underestimate the power of these heightening devices.
ROLE-PLAYING WITH ORAL SEX
Role-playing can provide an opportunity to be more playful and open to experimentation. Allowing you to step outside of your shyness and routine, role-playing can release you from your hesitations. Maybe you've never been brave enough to try deep throating, but Nancy the Naughty Maid does it without a care in the world. The most important aspect of this heightened sexual exchange is to be perfectly at ease with your partner and to have an open, communicative relationship—which means never doing anything against your will.
Role-playing is a way for the sides of us that aren't allowed expression in the day-to-day are given room to play. This makes it a great way to rejuvenate your sex life, because it opens the door to sides of your partner that