Blow Him Away_ How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex - Marcy Michaels [7]
You don't have to pass out a comments and suggestions card afterward, but you do need to elicit your partner's feedback. A whispered “Do you like that?” during oral sex will produce more honest feedback than a “Was that good for you?” when the deed has already been done.
It's Not Just About the Orgasm
You don't have to make your partner come to have great oral sex. Great oral lovers are not orgasm-making machines, and if you treat oral sex this way you're not going to enjoy it—and neither will your partner. Aside from straining yourself, your orgasm fixation will actually distract you from your lover's subtle signs and signals. You don't have to frantically chase orgasms. The orgasm will come to you. Straining and stressing about how long it's taking your partner to come wards off a real orgasm like a snake scares a mare, so it's better to just let go of this expectation and enjoy yourself. Experiment and play—the light touch—will inevitably create more pleasure for your partner than strain or stress.
People who perform poorly at oral sex are usually hung up on one or all of these basic issues. But there's another related set of concerns that are a little more serious, and must be addressed for you to get the most out of giving—and receiving—oral sex. As much as oral sex is a matter of skill, it is also an issue rife with hang-ups and inhibitions for many people. These must be eradicated to unleash your greatest oral sex potential.
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When Your Mind Spoils Your Head:
What Wrecks Oral Sex
NO MATTER HOW much you might try to convince yourself that you are a sexual cavalier and not a vulnerable human being, sex is an intimate act. It almost always brings up somebody's emotions. Oral sex, in some ways, is even more intimate. A Chinese proverb says, “If you save a person's life, they're yours forever.” That's fine and well, but hair-pulling, moan-making, nail-sinking oral sex breeds its own strain of attachment, and it can be pretty fierce.
Partially because of the intense feelings of vulnerability, some people have a very hard time opening themselves up to receiving oral sex. At the thought of someone else fully exploring their genitals and witnessing their states of uncontrolled ecstasy, some people begin to drool, while others snap closed like a clam. (Personally, I drool.) Control issues (After all, what might that other person do down there? Will they try to stick something weird in my [insert most feared orifice here] or do something else that I'm not prepared for?), self-doubt (Do I smell down there? What if I have to fart? What if I didn't wipe well the last time I . . . you know . . . ?), and a negative body-image (Are they noticing my love handles/cellulite/ass hairs/whatever aspect of my body I tend to despair over?), as well as a plethora of other issues can take the fun out of oral sex faster than you can say the word “orgasm.” And that's just on the receiving end!
On the giving end, performance anxiety and fear of being judged are chief among the pleasure-killers. “What if they don't like what I'm doing?” “What if I get tired and need to stop before they've had an orgasm?” “What if I can't bring them to orgasm?” And “What if they're just pretending to like it?” You may be surprised just how many people let thoughts like these crash their oral sex party.
While there is no magic potion to remove these inhibitions (other than drugs and alcohol, which are not long-term solutions!), there are some steps you can use before, during, and after your rendezvous that can help