Blow Him Away_ How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex - Marcy Michaels [8]
GETTING READY TO RUMBLE:
A DATING GUIDE FOR FABULOUS ORAL LOVE
For those of you who are perfectly comfortable with your body, have no trouble relaxing and getting down to business, and are 100 percent ready for action, skip this bit and go straight to chapter 3. For those of you who have been single for a while, tend to fumble with sexual tension, or simply feel that you could be better at relaxing and enjoying the ride, here's some information how to prepare your entire being for oral sex.
Before going out with a sexual (or soon-to-be) partner, most people spend time squinting in the mirror and picking out their most flattering clothes. Paying a little extra attention to your appearance and hygiene before a date is a natural inclination—and should be de rigueur if you're hoping for future dates—but the buck rarely stops here. All over the country, we go tearing through our closets looking for the “right” outfit, wrestling into one sweater just to run to the mirror and frown. “You're fat,” the mirror says back to us, “and I'm not granting you any wishes.” A new pimple or wrinkle just before a date has furrowed countless brows. “This big, ugly pimple next to my mouth looks awful—they'll probably think I have herpes! Maybe I should just cancel.” These thoughts and feelings aren't restricted to ephemera—our more substantial physical “flaws” provoke even more nerve-racking thoughts. “My pubic hair is turning silver,” an older friend confided in me, “and I don't know what's more painful: their facial expression when my underwear comes off, or plucking the damned things.”
Fretting seems harmless, but how are you going to get comfortable and enjoy what your body can do if you've spent time before your date chastising it? The innocuous appearance of predate fretting is only skin-deep: it has very real consequences for sex and physical pleasure.
Shower Power
Being clean and sweet-smelling is a considerate gesture that says to your partner, “I want you to enjoy contact with my body,” and it can boost your self-confidence. However, criticizing your body on any level will impede your oral sex performance, because how you feel about your own body will be played out in how you react to your lover's. It can also distract you from your partner's subtle signals and delay your own orgasms. Is being zitless and well-dressed worth that much? Is anything? Of course you should look nice for your date—but obsessive thoughts have a momentum of their own, and cannot be cast off as easily as clothing.
Consider limiting your preening time to around fifteen minutes—just enough time to cover the basics, not enough to nitpick. Use the rest of the time to prepare yourself psychologically to have fun and relax.
The Two Big Basics
These are very simple ideas, but disregarded by one and all. First, wear comfortable clothes. Not quite the jeans with holes and your favorite tattered sweater, but make it a rule to avoid tight or restricting clothes, and clothes that are out of character for you. If you don't look like yourself, you won't act like yourself. (Also, it's not a bad idea to leave the stilettos and fancy silks for a time when you may need the kinkiness.)
Second, use the time before your date to relax and unwind. If you're leaving work, take a walk around the block just to absorb the atmosphere of the neighborhood, or treat yourself to something that will loosen you up—maybe it's listening to music, getting a manicure, or going in a pet store and watching puppies tussle. Whatever it is, it needs to relax you. For more serious stress cases, it may take a ten-minute massage or a short yoga workout. No matter what your stress level is, though, there's one cure-all: breathing. The breathing exercises outlined in chapter 8 are among the best stress antidotes around. They