Blow Him Away_ How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex - Marcy Michaels [9]
If you don't have time to relax and unwind before a date, simply pop into the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like yourself? If you don't get a resounding “Hell yeah, I'm awesome!” keep looking at yourself and just say out loud: “I like me.” Say it until you start to mean it, and then you can go rock the world. Feeling good about yourself makes everything you do better.
THE RECEIVING END
This is supposed to be more fun than a roller coaster,
but I feel like I'm still waiting in line . . .
While the majority of this guide is devoted to giving oral sex, its raison d'être is to improve the quality of oral sex everywhere, for everyone. With this objective in mind, a little space is devoted here to people who expect to enjoy oral sex, but when the time comes, feel uncomfortable or disengaged. If you're already an oral sex hound, feel free to skip the rest of this chapter and move on to the next. But if you've had some disappointments in the area, stick around.
The Distraction Reaction
All you can think about is what you have to do tomorrow/some overdue project/an obligation, concern, or care of any kind.
This one comes first, because even if you have never experienced this problem, enough months of sharing a bed will bring it along. You don't have to have attention deficit disorder for your mind to wander to all kinds of unrelated subjects—and people—during sex. Receiving oral sex is a particularly likely arena for this because your participation is (usually) not required, and your mental attention even less so. Lots of people are disturbed by their wandering minds, because it seems to indicate a problem in the relationship. But this is usually not the case.
If you notice your thoughts repeatedly turning to the same obligation, concern, or care, take a deep breath first (always rule number one), and set a time to think about the issue. Not necessarily an exact time—no need to whip out your daily planner—but give yourself permission to completely forget about the issue until then. When the problem has been delegated to a future time slot, your present one will be free to delve more deeply into the twists and turns of sensual experience.
Another possibility is to spend more time unwinding before you get sexy—a hot bath, a little lounging around, a neck massage, or even taking a minute to appreciate your own innate sexiness is more than enough to break free of these thoughts.
All you can think about is an attractive person who is decidedly not the one going down on you.
Oral sex is particularly well suited to fantasizing. Because you can relax, and can't see much of your partner from most positions, it may well be Tom Cruise or Salma Hayek (or for the really imaginative, both) giving you the ride of your life.
Morally, other-person fantasizing is neither here nor there—but the fact that some people feel guilty about it is definitely here. If it bothers you, you may find that relaxing and focusing more deeply on your bodily sensations actually removes the need for fantasy of any kind.
One option is simply to realize that your mind is wandering, and to call it back to an awareness of your own body. Focus your attention on what you feel—this will make the oral sex better regardless. How do the sheets (or the carpet, or the dining room table) feel against your back? Notice your own body: How does the air feel on your skin? Are your nipples hard or soft? Rub your fingers lightly over your chest, noting the feel of your own skin. Sometimes we have to use simple measures to reintroduce ourselves to our bodies as a source of pleasure. Now refocus on the sensations your partner is giving you. Propping yourself up into a sitting position and wrapping your hands around the head of your lover can be a great way to let your body tell your mind exactly where you want it focused.