Business Networking and Sex - Ivan Misner [81]
Men, I would like to say how proud I am of you. There were many time I called us idiots in this book, but this time I can truly say we are very bright, talented, good-looking, funny, real, and down-to-earth. We done good here, guys—we done good!
She Says . . .
The reason women rated good listening skills and sincerity higher than men did is because they are relational qualities. Most of the women I know share the desire for follow up after we’ve put hard work into creating a connection for someone. Once we refer someone, they are not only responsible for that task, they also have our stamp of approval, which is, in a way, a representation of us, as well as a voucher.
Because we are such multitaskers, spinning many plates at once, once we hand off one of those plates we certainly don’t want to go back and find it was not taken care of. The last thing I want is to have to go back and follow up myself on a hard-won, carelessly dropped referral, not only because it’s one more thing for me to do, but also because it makes my judgment appear questionable.
I’ve found that when I give a referral to men, they don’t take it as seriously as I would like them to and have a tendency to take their time following up on it. This is also one of the most common complaints I hear from other women in my referral groups. We are also naturally curious and caring about how the referral panned out so we’d like to get a call about how it went.
Best-selling author Susan Roane gives men this valuable piece of advice for networking successfully with women:
Women love to share contacts, leads, information, and resources. An added benefit is that we will always want to know how it went, which is good follow up, because we are natural matchmakers and very responsive. But, though it may be kind of a racy analogy, if you just had a one-night stand with one of our friends, we’d want you to call and say it was wonderful. This advice is for both men and women. Just keep us in the loop! We women need that.
Another observation regarding the lack of establishing mutual understanding leaves women wanting to close yet another gap. Many women tell me they don’t feel men are actively listening to them during networking. Because active listening is crucial to understanding, to building a solid relationship, and to ultimately making a sound referral, I recommend to men that they seriously start engaging active listening skills, especially with women. If you are not listening, you are leaving money on the table.
One of my biggest irritants in one-to-one meetings with men is their obsessive cell phone preoccupation. If they are so easily distracted by each text, missed call, and vibration this little machine makes, could they possibly really be present and listening to what I am saying? I rarely have this problem with women, and frequently do with men.
One night I was having a drink with a male business associate at a local bar. As we talked, not only did he check his phone, but also texted someone else through the duration of our meeting. Aggravated by his lack of courtesy, and feeling as if I was not being listened to, I asked if this was the way he managed all his relationships. He became defensive, but put the phone away for the rest of the meeting and we were able to finish up with pleasant conversation.
I sometimes think it’s a news flash to men that we are uncomfortable with their lack of manners and how disrespectful it feels. It’s also not conducive to getting to know and understand the person you’ve made time to meet. He obviously wasn’t intentionally trying to annoy me, was he? He used the information I gave him and changed his behavior.
The responsibility for this one lies with both sexes. Gentlemen, put your phones away. Manage your other social responsibilities before you meet with us and honor our