Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [50]
Things went smoothly, until six months later when they had another close call. One morning Aunt Elner had called Macky and said, “Macky, Sonny is going to have to be fixed again, the first time must not have taken, because he’s spraying all over the house.” When Macky had picked him up and taken him to Dr. Shaw, Abby, the vet’s wife and assistant, had been puzzled.
“I have it on my records that he was already neutered, eleven years ago.”
“That was another Sonny,” Macky said, “but don’t tell her.”
Abby and Dr. Shaw had gone along with it, thank goodness. And Aunt Elner never knew that Sonny number six was really Sonny number seven, and because of their lie, Aunt Elner thought she had a twenty-five-year-old tomcat and had bragged on him to everyone. “Look what good shape he’s in,” she had said. “Why, in cat years he must be way over a hundred and fifty years old!” Of course, Linda and her father had felt terrible every time she said it, and were both horrified when she had her picture in the paper holding what she thought was a twenty-five-year-old cat, but there was nothing they could do.
Linda made her mind up right then and there and as soon as the plane landed, even though she did not particularly like cats, she took out her cell phone and called her daughter. “Hi, sweetheart, Momma will be home as soon as I can, and I’m bringing you a kitty when I come.” Apple had been delighted and couldn’t wait until she got back. She had been asking her mother for a cat for a long time, and Aunt Elner would have been pleased to know that Sonny was going to live with her and Apple. It was the least she could do. As she jumped into the car waiting for her at the airport, and sat back, she had another thought: “How old is that cat?”
Chatting with Raymond
As soon as Dorothy left the room to take the cake out of the oven, Raymond waited for a second, then asked, “Do you mind if I smoke?”
“No, not at all,” said Elner, “go right ahead.”
He grinned as he pulled out his pipe and a can of Prince Albert tobacco from the back of the drawer, and said, “This is one of those ‘What Dorothy doesn’t know won’t hurt her’ things. OK?”
“OK,” she said. “My lips are sealed.”
After he lit his pipe, he sat back and said, “Elner, I know you’re supposed to be asking the questions, but would you mind if I asked you a few things?”
“Sure, as long as they are not too hard.”
“You know,” he said, blowing out a long puff of smoke, “we really admired the way you handled your life, even during the Depression, never a complaint. I’m curious, what would you say was your philosophy of life?”
Elner laughed. “Philosophy? Oh, Raymond, I’m not smart enough to have a philosophy, I guess I just tried to do my best and get along with other people, that’s all.”
He nodded at her and said, “Well, that’s enough, I can’t ask for more than that.” He then leaned in and said, “Confidentially, Elner, just between you and me, and feel free to be perfectly candid, what do you think about people?”
“Me?”
“Yes,” he said, looking at her intently. “I’d really like your opinion.”
“Well, Raymond, personally, I always liked them. They just tickled me to death with all their funny little ways.”
“Like what?”
“Oh, I don’t know, I guess the way they all have their little routines, get themselves dressed up in some of those crazy rigs they put on, get their hair all fixed and get so puffed up, I don’t know why, but I always thought they were kind of funny. I’ve been sitting on my porch for years, watching them go by, running here, running there, and watching people has been better than