Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [51]
He was a little taken aback. “Me? Oh, well,” he said. “Hmmm…let’s see…” He sat there for a while seriously contemplating the question, took a few drags off his pipe, and then said, “The God’s honest truth, Elner? And being as objective as I can be…under the circumstances.”
“Of course.”
He smiled. “I’m just crazy about them, each and every one.”
“Ahhh…and what is it about them you like?” she asked.
“Oh, everything,” he said with a faraway look in his eye. “How hard they try, how they just keep going no matter what…and brave? Why, those crazy fools will run into burning buildings or jump into rivers, just to save a complete stranger! Did you know that?”
“Oh, yes, I’ve read about it.”
He continued, “And smart? Imagine, they figured out how to get all the way to the moon! And I’m constantly amazed at all the hundreds of little things they do for one another, even when they think no one is watching…. Of course, they still have along way to go, but oh boy, when they all finally evolve into who they are supposed to be, it’s going to be just great!”
Elner asked, “How much longer do you figure we have to go? You don’t think we are going to blow ourselves up before we get there, do you?”
“No. I don’t.”
“Well, I hope you’re right.”
“Oh, I am, no doubt about it.”
“That’s good news. So let me ask you this, then. Of all the humans that ever lived, who was your favorite so far?”
“Let’s see, not counting the ones coming in the future.” He said as he nodded over to the wall with the pictures of little babies on it, “Hard to say, they are all special…teachers…visiting nurses…firemen—excuse me, firepersons now—but I was particularly fond of the U.S. women’s soccer team, weren’t they something? But really, Elner, I have no favorites, they are all different and unique in some—”
Suddenly Raymond’s cell phone rang and played Elner’s favorite hymn, “Can’t Wait to Get to Heaven.” He put on his glasses and looked at the readout, and said, “Pardon me just a second, I need to get this,” and picked up.
“Hello,” he said, and then Raymond looked over at Elner and smiled and winked at her. “Yes, she sure is. She’s sitting right here with me as we speak…. Well, come on, then.” He hung up and smiled at her. “That was an admirer of yours who wants to stop by in a minute and meet you…. Now, where were we? Do you have another question?”
“Oh, well, it’s not that I’m not having a good time visiting with you, but I was wondering when we were going to get to the judgment part? I’m kind of anxious to get that over with.”
“The what part?” asked Raymond.
“Judgment? Don’t I have to account for my sins or something before I move on?”
He laughed. “Oh good Lord, no, you’re not here to be judged.”
“I’m not?”
“No. You’re human, for heaven’s sake; everybody makes mistakes, even me, and besides, mistakes happen for a reason. Hopefully you can learn from them.”
Elner asked tentatively, “Then, you’re not mad at me over the Ex-Lax candy thing?”
Raymond laughed again. “Nooo, I thought it was pretty funny myself, but that’s a perfect example. If you hadn’t done it, then felt bad about it later, you never would have gotten to know Luther Griggs.”
“I did feel bad about it. Imagine me, trying to get revenge on an eight-year-old boy for throwing rocks at my cat.”
“Yes, but if you hadn’t been sorry, and then made a decision to be nice to that boy when you did, he would have led a much different life. You don’t know what you saved him from. I do!”
“But how do you know if you’re making the right decision?”
“Easy!” he said. “Just like two and two always add up to four, kindness and forgiveness is always right, hate and revenge is always wrong. It’s a fail-proof system; if you just stick to that one simple rule, why, you couldn’t make a mistake if you tried.” He sat back and crossed his arms.