Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [60]
“Hello?”
“Ruby, it’s Boots. Listen, I was given the wrong information about Mrs. Shimfissle, she was not a DOA like I told you.”
“What?”
“They just took her back up to OR. Apparently she’s recovered and is doing just fine, at least that’s the latest report. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I called you the minute I heard.”
Ruby was flabbergasted. “What do you mean, she’s not dead? I was just fixing to throw out her milk!”
“I am so sorry, Ruby, somebody made a mistake. I’m so mad at that bunch upstairs, I could spit nails. I’m telling you, if you knew half the things that go on here now, it would just curl your hair.”
Ruby said, “Oh, dear. Well, let me get on the horn and pass this along…good Lord, we were practically planning her funeral.”
After she hung up, Boots felt terrible; she had broken the rule of patient confidentiality, but they had been so sure upstairs. She and Ruby had been in nursing school together, so it was not as if she had told a civilian, but if they ever found out she had released the condition of a patient to a nonfamily member, she would lose her job, and at her age they were looking for a reason to get rid of her as it was. The one good thing was she knew that Ruby would protect her. There was always that unspoken nurse to nurse loyalty she could depend on. And it was true. Ruby would have protected her source with her life. But right now Ruby didn’t even have time to stop and be happy that Elner was alive. She would have to do that later. Right now she had to get busy and stop this thing at the pass, before the news of Elner’s death went any further than it had. She immediately called Tot down at the beauty shop. Not more than thirty minutes before, Tot had had to get up out of bed and drag herself down to the beauty shop, because Darlene could not find the formula for Beverly Cortwright’s hair color.
Luckily, Tot answered the phone. “Beauty shop.”
“Tot, it’s Ruby, I just heard back from the hospital and Elner’s not dead after all.”
“What?”
“They made a mistake, so call whoever you told and tell them, pronto. I’ve got to go,” she said, and hung up.
“Good God Almighty,” Tot said to herself. “A mistake?” And here she was with a beauty parlor full of upset and crying women, thinking Elner Shimfissle was dead.
Tot walked around the room and turned off all the dryers, told everyone to take the cotton out of their ears, and made Darlene turn the water off and stop washing the dye out of Beverly Cortwright’s hair. When she had everyone’s attention, she announced, “Everybody, I just got a call from Ruby Robinson, and as it turns out, Elner Shimfissle is not dead after all. They gave out the wrong report at the hospital.”
Everyone gasped and as a shock wave went around the room, Marie Larkin dropped her Modern Style Cuts onto the floor, and Lucille Wimble spilled coffee down the front of her dress. They had all spent the past hour crying and talking about how much they were going to miss Elner. Some were even going so far as to plan what they would wear to her funeral, and what kind of casserole they would make to take over to Norma’s. What a shock! Lucille was beside herself. “I’ve never heard of anything so crazy in all my life!” she said, blotting her dress with a paper towel. “What would possess them to do such a thing, tell everybody she was dead and get people all hysterical, I had started my grieving process and everything and now they say it was all for nothing?”
Vicki Johnson agreed. “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”
“Well, I’m just stunned,” said a teary, red-eyed Beverly with brown dye running down one side of her face. “I don’t know what to think or feel.”
“Me either,” said Darlene, reaching into her pocket for the other half of her candy bar.
Tot said, “Well, I don’t feel much of anything right now, I just took two Xanax an hour ago or so, but I’ll probably