Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [61]
Elner’s niece in California was on the Internet looking up the best flights from San Francisco to Kansas City. She didn’t know when Elner’s funeral was going to be, but she wanted to see what flights were available. When the phone rang, she picked it up, and it was another collect call from Macky and he sounded quite upset.
“Dena, I don’t have time to go into detail, but I wanted to let you know, Aunt Elner is not dead like they thought, there was some kind of mistake.”
“What?”
“Not dead. I’m sorry I called you the first time, but I was just telling you what they told us.”
“Not dead?”
“No, apparently they gave us the wrong information, anyhow she’s in intensive care right now, I’ll try and keep you posted just as soon as I know something…. I have to run, Norma’s having a fit, talk to you later.”
Dena was still standing with the phone in her hand when her husband walked in the door.
When she saw him, she dropped the phone and ran to him and threw her arms around him. “Oh, Gerry, Aunt Elner’s alive! Isn’t that wonderful?”
Gerry, who had no idea what she was talking about, smiled and hugged her back. “Yes, honey, it is wonderful.”
After she locked everything up at Elner’s house, Ruby scurried across the lawn to her house and saw Merle across the street and called out to him. “Merle! Elner’s not dead, call Verbena and let her know.”
Merle stood there, not quite sure he had heard. “What?”
“She pulled through, pass it on!” Ruby yelled as she ran in her front door.
Merle hurried into the house as fast as he could and immediately called his wife down at the cleaners.
When she picked up, he was almost breathless. “Guess what?” he said. “Ruby just got a call from the hospital and Elner’s not dead after all.”
“What?”
“She didn’t die.”
“Merle,” Verbena said, making a face, “don’t be telling me crazy stuff like this, I’ve got two customers standing here wanting their dry cleaning.”
“Verbena, I swear, I’m telling you the truth,” he said, holding his right hand up in the air. “She’s alive.”
“Are you joking?”
“No. They said she was talking and everything.”
Verbena looked over the counter at her customers and exclaimed, “Elner didn’t die! Thank the Lord. I’ve just been all torn up about it all morning. Well, God bless her. She pulled through.”
As soon as the customers, who had no idea who Elner was, left the cleaners, Verbena was so happy about her friend and neighbor being alive that she jumped up and down in place and shouted hallelujah. It wasn’t until the third jump that she remembered what she had done. Oh dear, now she wished she hadn’t called the radio station and told Bud that Elner was dead.
Across town, Neva picked up the phone down at the mortuary.
“Neva, it’s Tot…false alarm.”
“What?”
“Tell Arvis I’m so sorry, but as it turns out, Elner Shimfissle is not dead after all.” And then she hung up. Neva was somewhat confused; still not quite believing what she had just heard, she stood up and walked to the back, stuck her head in the door, and relayed the message anyway.
“Arvis, Tot Whooten just called and said to tell you she was sorry but as it turns out Elner Shimfissle is not dead after all.”
He looked up. “What?”
Neva thought about what she had just said. “Wait a minute. That doesn’t sound right, does it? I don’t know if Tot meant she was sorry Elner wasn’t dead…or sorry she told you she was dead, but anyhow, that’s what she said.”
Arvis said, “Good God, is Tot hitting the bottle?”
“I don’t know, but I’ve got to figure out what to do with all those flower orders.”
“She must have flipped out again, calling and telling everybody that Elner Shimfissle was dead. Call Verbena and make sure Tot’s not drunk or crazy before you do anything about the flowers.”
Neva called Verbena, but the line was busy. She was on the phone with the radio station.
Bud, the other half of the Bud and Jay Show, had not gone home yet and was still at work when he received the second phone call from Verbena. “Bud,” she said somewhat sheepishly, “this is Verbena Wheeler over