Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [72]
“Well, it’s not a chat in the pure sense of the word, I’m really here to ask you a few questions.”
She perked up. “Oh, is it a quiz?”
“Sort of, I suppose.”
“Oh, good. Fire away. But don’t make it too hard.”
“No, I’ll try not to. OK. Let’s start over. What day is it today?”
She looked at him. “Ahh…this is a trick question, I’ll bet. It’s somebody’s birthday? I know it’s not Thomas Edison’s, or George Washington’s…. Oh, shoot, I don’t know. I give up. What is today?”
“I’m just looking for the day of the week.”
“Ohhh,” she said. “That’s easy. I thought you were looking for something harder than that, it’s Tuesday.”
“Could you tell me what month it is?”
“It’s April the second; I would tell you what time it was, but I don’t have my watch.”
“I see. Your full name?”
“Elner Jane Shimfissle.”
“Maiden name?”
“Same first name. Last name, Knott.”
“Your mother’s maiden name?”
“Nuckle, and she married a man named Knott, so her full name was Mrs. Nancy Nuckle Knott. You try saying that five times in a row.”
“Mrs. Shimfissle, what is the first major event you can recall?”
“Well, when I was three, a duck pecked me on my big toe…. Wait a minute. Are you talking about family or nonfamily events?”
“Historical events.”
“Ahh, let’s see. Pearl Harbor, December seventh, 1941. Thomas Edison, born February eleventh, 1847; died…October eighteenth, 1931. FDR died 1945. Then the opening of Disneyland, July seventeenth, 1955. Do you want more?”
“No, just the last important date you remember.”
“September eleventh, 2001. That’s one I would like to forget.”
“Your birth date.”
“July twenty-eighth.”
“How old were you on your last birthday?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you know the year you were born?”
“No, I sure don’t. I’m sorry.”
The doctor looked up. “You can’t remember the year?”
“No, I was too little to remember the exact year, and my sister Ida buried the family Bible, so I have no idea.”
He glanced down at his chart. “Your niece put down eighty-nine.”
“Oh, that was just a guess, sometimes she puts me older, sometimes younger. It all depends on her mood. How old are you?”
“Thirty-four.”
“I have a niece that’s thirty-four. Are you married?”
“No, but Mrs. Shimfissle, I have a few more questions….”
“She’s not married either, and she has a Chinese daughter. Got her in China. What do you think about that?”
“That’s just great. Now—”
“Her name is Linda. Linda Warren. She lives in St. Louis and has a good job too. With the telephone company, just like Mary Grace. You can’t beat the telephone company for benefits.”
“I’m sure,” he said. “Can you recall what you were doing right before your fall?”
“Picking figs. Her daughter’s name is Apple. Of course, Norma hated that name. She said, ‘Why would you want to name your daughter after a computer?’ But Linda said it was after the fruit not the computer…. What is this quiz for, anyway?”
“Just checking for any signs of short- or long-term memory loss.”
“Ahh, well that makes sense. Trying to see if I still have my wits about me.”
“That’s right.”
“Well…did I pass?”
He smiled and closed the chart. “Yes, you did. With flying colors, I might add.”
“Hey, listen, are you going to be around in another few hours?”
He looked at his watch. “Yes. I should still be here. Why?”
“I want you to come back and see me, OK?”
“I’ll try.”
As he left, he had to laugh. The old lady was as sharp as a tack. Hell, he didn’t remember half the dates she did. But then, how many people would remember Thomas Edison’s birth date?
Where’s Elner?
8:30 AM
Back in Elmwood Springs, the phone lines had been buzzing all morning with the news and latest reports about Elner. Out on the farm Elner’s good friend Louise Franks had been up all night worried and wondering how she was going to tell Polly, her retarded daughter, about Elner. Polly didn’t understand about death. How could she explain that Polly would never see Elner again?