Cannot Wait to Get to Heaven - Fannie Flagg [71]
“Well, good night.” After the nurse left, Elner picked up her call button and looked at it. She liked the idea of having a call button. It pleased her no end. She thought it was almost like having one of those beeper things they advertised on television, on that “Help, help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” commercial. Then an old song popped into her head and she lay there singing, “When I’m calling you ooh ooh oh ooo, Will you answer too oh oh ohooo,” and then she drifted off to sleep. She was tired. It had been a big day, and she had been looked at, poked at, and stuck with needles up until an hour ago.
Driving back home that night, Macky said, “When I was in the room with her before, I could have sworn she was dead, and then when we went in and she started talking, it scared the hell out of me.”
Linda said, “Scared me so bad, I almost wet my pants.”
“This has certainly been a day, hasn’t it?” said Norma. “Do you believe what all we have been through in the last twelve hours? I fainted twice, and that poor little nurse, I’ve never heard anybody scream like that in my life.”
Linda suddenly started laughing. “You should have seen Susie Hill’s face when she saw Aunt Elner roll by. Her eyes almost popped out of her head, she jumped back, and went whooooo!!” Then, more out of relief than anything else, all three of them started to laugh uncontrollably until tears rolled down their faces. By the time they reached the house, they were exhausted. Norma said, “I don’t think I’ve cried and laughed so much in one day in all my life!”
As Norma drifted off to sleep that night, she thought at least one good thing had come out of such a disaster. When the orderly had handed her a white plastic bag containing Aunt Elner’s personal effects, Norma had quietly walked over and thrown it in the large garbage bag by the door.
She had finally been able to get rid of that hideous brown plaid robe once and for all!
The Quiz
6:45 AM
Dr. Brian Lang had been called at home the night before and asked to examine a patient first thing in the morning. As he read over the chart they had e-mailed him, he was amazed at the fact that the patient had managed to survive a fall like that. Her CAT scan showed absolutely no signs of anything, all her vitals were good, but he was being brought in as a safety measure, to check on any short-term or long-term memory loss before they released her. He was an expert on brain injuries and had his own set of questions, which were set up to catch even the slightest damage they may have missed.
When he walked into her room early that Tuesday, he said, “Good morning, Mrs. Shimfissle, I’m Dr. Lang.” She looked up and said, “Good morning,” then added with caution, “You’re not here to take me someplace for another test, are you?”
“Oh no, Mrs. Shimfissle,” he said as he pulled a chair to the side of her bed. “I just want us to have a little chat right here, if that’s all right with you.”
“Sure, I’d love to chat with you as long as you’re not going to stick me with something. Have a seat. I’d offer you something to drink, but I can’t find my call button. They’ll bring me anything I ask for.”
“No, I’m fine,” he said as he sat down and got out his papers.
“Look at this,” she said, pushing the control on her bed and starting to sit straight up. “Isn’t that something?”
“Yes, it is. Now, Mrs. Shimfissle, have you experienced any headaches in the past twenty-four hours?”
“No, not a one,” she said, letting herself back down again. “It’s a good thing I don’t have a bed like this at home or I’d never get up.”
“And how is your vision…any spots, fuzziness, or changes in vision?”
“Nope. Like I told my eye man, I can see fine, all the way to the moon and back.”
He could see for himself that her eyes were bright and clear, that was good.
“Mrs. Shimfissle, can you tell me what today is?”
She looked at him strangely. “Well, honey, don’t you know?”
“Oh yes I know, but these are just questions I need to…”
He stopped talking, because he could see she was not listening and