Cowboy Casanova - Lorelei James [70]
“That oughta go over well, if you’re as forthcoming with her as you’ve been with me,” Quinn said dryly.
“Asshole.”
“Look, I’m just gonna toss this out there. We guys expect women to carry the emotional load in a relationship. I’ve figured out things go to hell when I’m not doin’ my part to tell Libby how I feel. Then she gets upset and won’t talk to me. It’s a damn vicious cycle and an easy one to get into.”
Quinn had hit it dead on. Ben had been so adamant about Ainsley opening up, about sharing her feelings, both in and out of bed, that he’d neglected to share his own. He’d kept her at arm’s length emotionally, even while he demanded her absolute physical obedience.
Not only did that make him a bad Dom; that made him a bad man.
But he had no idea how to fix it. He sighed. “So got any advice, Q?”
“There’s nothin’ a sincere apology can’t fix, especially if you just started seein’ her, especially if you offer it up front. Then talk to her, really talk to her.”
The thought of opening up to her scared the crap out of him. He could handle her rejection of him as a Dom. But what if he let her see Ben and she rejected that part of him? The part he didn’t share with women who shared his bed? The side of himself that wasn’t the confident dominant? The guy who felt like an outsider even in his own family?
“Flowers would help,” Quinn offered, breaking into his thoughts again.
“Thanks.”
“Is she worth it?”
“Maybe I’m not worth it,” he muttered and changed the subject. “We’re all set to ship cattle?”
“Oughta be a good year.”
“Be a nice change from the last few years.” Ben rummaged through the toolbox. “Have you talked to Mom and Dad since they’ve been in Arizona?”
“Briefly. Sounds like Gavin is gonna show up for Chase’s thing this weekend. Which means he’ll meet the rest of the McKays.”
Ben grinned. “Poor sucker don’t know what he’s in for, does he?”
Quinn grinned right back. “Nope. But speaking of McKay family gossip…”
The threat of gossip always put Ben on edge. He carried the fear he’d be outed as a sexual deviant to one of his many family members by someone from the club with an ax to grind—with him personally, or the McKay family as a whole. Discretion was paramount to the Rawhide’s survival. But nothing was failsafe.
Then he had another jarring thought. If Dalton knew about Rielle’s financial problems, had someone else in the McKay family also found out? And that reminded him that he still hadn’t talked to her. But with Rielle, timing was everything. If he caught her on a bad day, she’d likely warn him off her porch with a shotgun and not listen to a single word he said. Rielle trusted Ben as much as she trusted anyone, and that wasn’t much. So Dalton and Tell had to trust him to know when the time was right to approach her and he’d tell them that if they nagged him about it. “What McKay family gossip?”
“Evidently Mom, Aunt Kimi and Aunt Carolyn went to Casper to visit Aunt Joan last week, and she’s got herself a boyfriend.”
“Really? Do her sons know?”
“No idea. I sure ain’t gonna be the one to tell them.”
“I’m with ya there.” Ben released the jack and pointed to the tires. “I’ll run these into town. See if they’re salvageable.”
After the tires were loaded into the back of Ben’s truck, Quinn said, “Hope to see you in a better mood tomorrow.”
“I hope to be in a better mood tomorrow. Thanks for the advice. If it doesn’t work, I’m blaming you.”
Ainsley looked totally stunned to see him on her doorstep. Or was that fear in her eyes?
He smiled, knowing it looked as strained as it felt. “Hey, angel.”
“Hey, Bennett.”
Bennett. Not Ben. Dammit. He didn’t want to be her Dom right now.
So tell her.
“It’s Ben,” he said softly, his heart pounding with fear she’d say something about not seeing a difference.
“And so it is Ben,” she murmured, studying his face. “Would you like to come in?”
“Please.” He offered her the bouquet of flowers before he crossed the threshold. “I hope you don’t have plans. I took a chance you’d be home because I wanted to—”explain, grovel, apologize profusely,