Discardia_ More Life, Less Stuff - Dinah Sanders [41]
Getting perspective
Sometimes we have to take a time out to get perspective on what is upsetting us. Take an hour or two for yourself. Take a walk or close the door and relax in private at home. The important part is to create some solitude to think a bit.
Of what emotion do you keep stoking the coals out of habit but from which you are now ready to move on? Is it time to stop grieving and resume living or move on from longing for someone who isn't the one for you? Should you quit swallowing your pain and cutting someone far too much slack for the hurt they cause you? Are you still chewing on the bones of old grudges? How's that working for you? Does it give you something worthwhile?
If you’re feeling angry or jealous, what would need to happen for you to let go of that upset feeling? These feelings burn up an enormous amount of energy. Who or what could you make peace with today and how would it change your life to do so? Write a letter, schedule some counseling, forgive someone or yourself, but let it go and move on.
Slow yourself down, look around, and see the good things for which to be thankful. Don't shout or make bitter, snarky remarks at the poor retail or service staff. As author and software engineering manager Michael Lopp, who is also well known on Twitter as Rands, said, “Relax and relate before you escalate.”
Lay off the car horn; it doesn’t do any good and it makes the world unpleasant. Let it slide and smile. Yes, optimize where it matters but when it doesn't, let it go by and move on sweetly. Let the rest of that dumb stuff go; aggravation is a bad investment of your time and energy anyhow.
Don't sweat it. Get some perspective. A lot of things that may aggravate you only do so because you have the luxury of not wrestling with bigger issues. Today, be thankful for everything you have: being alive, your friends and family, your health, a roof over your head, something to eat, clean water to drink, indoor plumbing, heating, air conditioning, clothes, shoes, a job, and freedoms. Many, many people have it worse.
Bad drivers in front of you or annoying coworkers or technical difficulties aren't that important in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, okay, they’re irritating, but are they important? No, not really. In those far less common situations when it really does matter, be kind and hold your ground. Sometimes all you can give is courtesy, but it's a stronger bargaining position than combativeness.
Entrepreneur and software engineer Chris Wetherell offered precise instructions in this art: “How to be nice: (Step-1) Be. (Step-2) Be nice. (Step-3) Stop being a dick. (This last step is CRUCIAL.)”
Meditate on where you spend your emotional energy and what kind of life that is giving you. If it's not the life you want, start changing it. Right now. Today. Change your direction and step toward where you want to be.
Make things better
What about that thing—even that little, dumb thing you did a long time ago? Today’s a good day to say you're sorry. Remember Internet humorist and programmer Greg Knauss’s First Rule of Arguing: “If you're feeling defensive, it's because you know, deep down, you've done something wrong.”
Make things better between you and the other person. Flowers are optional but often wildly appreciated. Write that note to rebuild a relationship. Quit beating yourself up over a past mistake; make amends and move on. Apologize for that transgression about which you've been brooding. If you don't want to dredge up old badness, make this Appreciation Day and instead be nice to that person about whom you're feeling a little guilty. This counts even when the one you’ve wronged was yourself. Forgive; move on.
Constructive conflict
You may never find the common ground that allows you to understand entirely why an opponent approaches the situation as he does, but you do need to let go of the idea that he does what he does because he is stupid or evil. Let go of this so you can move forward from a position of greater comprehension about the