Doctor Who_ The Romans - Donald Cotton [20]
I told her, somewhat stiffly, that I was not in the least interested in what she always said; and added that she would attend to my requirements at once, if she knew what was good for her!
At this she cackled in an unpleasant manner, and informed me that it was knowing what was bad for people which had made her the woman she was today.
I summoned a sickly smile from somewhere, not wishing to offend the old hag unduly; whereupon she softened somewhat, and said she’d do what she could to fit me in.
‘Who’s the lucky victim to be, then ?’ she enquired.
‘Anyone you know, or is it just a game of "Swap the Goblet"
again?’
By a curious coincidence, it was at this moment that Barbara herself ran rapidly along the corridor, clanking with unsolicited gifts obviously given to her by my husband; since he presently appeared in lolloping pursuit, yet another golden bracelet clutched in his flaccid hands –
an item which I at once recognised as being his anniversary present to me!
Overcome with mortification, the shame of my betrayal, and a certain amount of ungovernable fury, I fear I so far forgot myself as to hiss like a snake, and to spit in the general direction of their retreating figures; and Locusta took the point at once.
‘So that’s the little lady, is it?’ she asked, as I nodded speechlessly between expectorations.
‘Well, there’s nothing too nasty, in my opinion, for the sort of sly-boots who uses the well-known wiles of the seraglio to come between an Emperor and his missus.
Leave it to me, dearie. It’ll be my pleasure to mix her something really special in the way of lethal overdoses...’
And she pottered off to her potion pantry.
Can I trust her? And indeed, can I trust anyone? It is sometimes difficult for a comparatively inexperienced girl to know which way to turn.
Heigh-ho, once more!
DOCUMENT XVIII
A Poisoner Remembers (Extract from The Autobiography of Locusts)
It was another busy day in the pharmaceutical department, and I remember reflecting that if business continued to improve at that rate, it would kill itself off before it got fairly started. And where would I be then, I asked myself, having only one pair of hands at that stage in my career, and that couple time-worn and gnarled with arthritis or some such affliction; which in the present state of medical knowledge we do not truly understand, although I work constantly at a wonder drug in my spare time, if any, keeping a sharp lookout for unwanted side-effects, because who knows when they might not come in useful?
No, what I really needed, it seemed to me, if I was to give of my worst whenever requested, was an assistant to take the weight off my crucibles now and then, so as to let me get on with a spot of high level government research into astrology like the rest of my coven, who were doing very well for themselves, thank you, with horoscopes of the famous, while I slaved away for peanuts in my rotten grotto!
No sooner had this long but half-formulated thought been caught in my attention than there came a knock on the laboratory door, causing me to drop a hot goblet on my frock and emit an eldrich scream, and there stood a pert young party who asked me if I could direct her to the Imperial Apartments as she seemed to have got lost.
‘A likely tale!’ I thought, and was about to invite her to a final wine-tasting, when it occurred to me that here might be just the apprentice my enterprises required, and I asked her if she had ever considered a career in toxicology, as it was a growth industry right now?
She said she’d try anything once, and introduced herself as Vicki, of no fixed address, which could be convenient, I thought, it the arrangement didn’t work out. So I agreed to give her an hour or so’s probationary period, during which she could make herself generally useful taking the drudgery out of my work by handling the victim-to-crypt delivery side of the business.