Games People Play_ The Psychology of Human Relationships - Eric Berne [13]
Even more cogent is the psychological classification of pastimes. Both ‘PTA’ and ‘Psychiatry’, for example, may be played in either projective or introjective forms. The analysis of ‘PTA Projective Type, is represented in Figure 6A, based on the following Parent-Parent paradigm:
A: ‘There wouldn’t be all this delinquency if it weren’t for broken homes.’
B: ‘It’s not only that. Even in good homes nowadays the children aren’t taught manners the way they used to be.’
‘PTA’, Introjective Type, runs along the following lines (Adult-Adult):
C: ‘I just don’t seem to have what it takes to be a mother.’
D: ‘No matter how hard you try, they never grow up the way you want them to, so you have to keep wondering if you’re doing the right thing and what mistakes you’ve made.’
‘Psychiatry’, Projective Type, takes the Adult-Adult form:
E: ‘I think it’s some unconscious oral frustration that makes him act that way.’
F: ‘You seem to have your aggressions so well sublimated.’
Figure 6B represents ‘Psychiatry’, Introjective Type, another Adult-Adult pastime.
G: ‘That painting symbolizes smearing to me.’
H: ‘In my case, painting is trying to please my father.’
Figure 6. Pastimes
Besides structuring time and providing mutually acceptable stroking for the parties concerned, pastimes serve the additional function of being social-selection processes. While a pastime is in progress, the Child in each player is watchfully assessing the potentialities of the others involved. At the end of the party, each person will have selected certain players he would like to see more of, while others he will discard, regardless of how skilfully or pleasantly theyeach engaged in the pastime. The ones he selects are those who seem the most likely candidates for more complex relationships – that is, games. This sorting system, however well rationalized, is actually largely unconscious and intuitive.
In special cases the Adult overrides the Child in the selection process. This is most clearly illustrated by an insurance salesman who carefully learns to play social pastimes. While he is playing, his Adult listens for possible prospects and selects them from the players as people he would like to see more of. Their adeptness at games or congeniality is quite irrelevant to his process of selection, which is based, as in most cases, on peripheral factors – in this instance, financial readiness.
Pastimes, however, have a quite specific aspect of exclusiveness. For example, ‘Man Talk’ and ‘Lady Talk’ do not mix. People playing a hard hand of ‘Ever Been’ (there) will be annoyed by an intruder who wants to play ‘How Much’ (for avocados) or ‘Morning After’. People playing Projective ‘PTA’ will resent the intrusion of Introjective ‘PTA’, athough usually not as intensely as the other way around.
Pastimes form the basis for the selection of acquaintances, and may lead to friendship. A party of women who drop in at each other’s houses every morning for coffee to play ‘Delinquent Husband’ are likely to give a cool reception to a new neighbour who wants to play ‘Sunny Side Up’. If they are saying how mean their husbands are, it is too disconcerting to have a newcomer declare that her husband is just marvellous, in fact perfect, and they will not keep her long. So at a cocktail party, if someone wants to move from one corner to another, he must either join in the pastime played in his new location or else successfully switch the whole proceeding into a new channel. A good hostess, of course, takes the situation in hand immediately and states the programme: ‘We were just playing Projective “PTA”. What do you think?’ Or: ‘Come now, you girls have been playing “Wardrobe