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But first let’s review the key principles, because knowing them is the key to your success in this venture.

MONDAY

In order for your child to know you mean business (and to keep you calm and rational):

1. Say it once.

2. Turn your back.

3. Walk away.

TUESDAY

It’s all about the ABCs:

1. Attitude

2. Behavior

3. Character

You now understand where your child’s attitudes come from, and you’ve done a check in the mirror for your own attitude. You understand why it’s important to be aware of the purposive nature of your child’s behavior. You are determined to hold firm in directing your child’s character.

You also have the 3 simple strategies for success firmly in your mind:

1. Let reality be the teacher.

2. Learn to respond rather than react.

3. B doesn’t happen until A is completed.

WEDNESDAY

You’re taking the long view in this journey of parenting. You’ve evaluated what kind of parent you are:

1. Permissive

2. Authoritarian

3. Authoritative or responsible

You’ve evaluated how your parenting style influences the way your children respond to you. You are actively thinking of ways your Attitude, Behavior, and Character can be better balanced in regard to your children.

You’ve decided to focus first on your relationship with your child, realizing that without relationship, any rules will not be effective.

You’ve also decided not to make mountains out of molehills, and you’re strategizing which areas really are important ones to address (you’ll find the “Ask Dr. Leman” section helpful in this regard).

THURSDAY

You understand the difference between self-esteem (“feeling good” about yourself) and true self-worth. You’re evaluating how you can help your child develop the 3 pillars of self-worth:

1. Acceptance

2. Belonging

3. Competence

You’re determined to move from praise (focusing on how “good” a person is) to encouragement (focusing on an action).

Okay, got all that in mind?

What’s Your Game Plan?

Today’s the day you decide to go for it. You’re going to launch your action plan on your unsuspecting children. Remember, there are no warnings, no threats, no explanations—only action and follow-through. Above all, there’s no backing down, no caving in. Your child needs to know you mean business, or you won’t accomplish anything. If it takes you longer than a week to change your child’s Attitude, Behavior, and Character, then you need to revisit these key principles. Children who have been allowed to have their own way for a while can be extremely powerful. But look at it this way: if your teenager doesn’t change, he’ll have the most boring teenage years on record because he won’t be able to do anything. Remember, B doesn’t happen until A is completed. Not even a powerful child can hold out for long under such a principle. No matter what, the family comes first. So if there’s a problem at home, you don’t look at life outside the home until the problem is solved.

Now is not the time to back down, sodon’t be a spineless jellyfish. Stand up and be a parent.

Will it be easy? No. There are days, and then there are days. You know what I mean. When you start applying these principles, your child’s behavior is probably going to get worse . . . for a time. It’s a little like fishing in a creek. When you hook a game fish, it will try to throw the hook out of its mouth by leaving the water and thrashing back and forth. Youcan expect that “fish out of water” syndrome with your children too. They’ll come thrashing wildly out of the water and be very ticked.

However, if you talk to a fisherman, he’ll tell you that in order to land the fish, you’ve got to keep tension on the line. You don’t give that fish any slack. If you give it slack, not only will it jump out of the water, but it will scrape its jaw against the bottom of the creek to try to get rid of the hook. To catch that fish, you have to keep the line consistently taut. If you suddenly drop the pole toward the water, you’ve developed slack in