Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [57]
Forgetfulness is not an excuse. The only people who gain from it are credit card companies. They make an easy fortune when you’re late with a payment because you forget. They just add a $39 (or more) late fee on your credit card and rack up the percentages.
Going on Overnights
It’s so tempting to allow your child to grow up quickly. And that includes overnights. But overnights should be rare, especially when your children are young. Children need to be home, and today’s kids are home less and less. It’s part and parcel of being a child today, it seems, that by age 3 you have to be in gymnastics, and by 5 you’re playing soccer, in swim club, in ballet, etc. That means your children have greater exposure to a wider number of people than ever before.
How well do you really know the family that your child would be staying with? There’s a difference between having your 3-year-old at Grandma and Grandpa’s for the night (but then, many 3-yearolds aren’t even ready for that, since they would miss Mommy too much) and letting your 7-year-old stay at his Little League friend’s house overnight. Do you know, for sure, that there is no pedophile in that home? I know that’s blunt, but that’s our world today. The stakes are very high. And here’s the kicker: if a child is sexually abused, the highest probability is that the abuser will be a family member.
That means today’s parents can’t afford not to be watchful of their children. So questions you should ask as you consider an overnight are:
1. Has your child been away from home before? If not, will this be a good first experience in a safe environment?
2. Will your child miss Mommy?
3. Is your child a bed-wetter?
4. How well do you know the people your child would be staying with?
For all of these reasons, overnights were very rare in the Leman home. We allowed our daughter Lauren to have a few friends over when she was in junior high. But then we made it a strict policy that Sande drove the girls home (not me, as a guy).
When you send your child on an overnight, you are saying you trust the people in that home with your child’s life. Do you know them that well?
Grocery Store Antics
“But I want it . . . and I want it now!”
(the whine)
“Let me out . . . let me out . . .”
(said while wiggling in the cart)
If you have a young child, you would be wise to remember that 3- to 4-year-olds have short attention spans. So if you really want to shop, pick a time when you don’t have your children with you. I know one mom who shops at 2 a.m., when her husband gets home from his night shift, just to do it in peace and quiet since she has 4-year-old twins.
If you do have to shop with your children, minimize your list to the essentials. Let your 2-year-old hold something. Make your child part of the experience. “Oh, honey, can you grab a loaf of bread off the shelf for me?” you can say as the cart rolls by the bread. Who cares if the bread gets a little squished? It’ll taste the same, and you’re involving your child.
But do not let your young children make the calls on what you’re going to buy. If you do, you’ll end up with a cartful of junk, and you’ll be setting a pattern for future grocery trips. Remember, children are all about routine, so if you set a pattern, they will insist that it be followed from here to eternity. For example, if every time you go to the grocery store, your child gets a free donut, your child will be like Matlock—she’s not going to forget that free donut. So if you pass by that donut counter without getting a donut, prepare yourself for an unhappy time for both of you.
Before you set foot in that grocery store, decide on your expectations for the trip. Make a list of the groceries you need. Decide what you’re going to buy and if the children will get a treat or not. (If you set up the treat habit, you might as well buy stock in the Mars company. You’ll be stuck buying