Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [95]
Some children are so sensitive that one spanking will do the trick for a lifetime. Other children will need more frequent reminders.
But if you choose to spank, you have to keep the goal in mind: to correct the child’s behavior, not hurt the child. For example, if you tell your child he cannot play in the street, and he continually runs out into the street, a swat is in order. His behavior is dangerous. What happens when that car comes around the corner and doesn’t see the child, who is the height of a yardstick?
Discipline should always be for the child’s best, not an angry response that makes you temporarily feel better—and guilty later.
Spitting
This is one of those habits that a lot of folks find repulsive. Little boys spit, and sometimes little girls do too. Some adults are also spitters.
I’m a spitter myself. I’m one of those guys who just generates a lot of saliva. It’s all this postnasal drip. I can either hawk it out, asgross as that sounds, or, worse, swallow it back down. For years if I had to spit to clear my throat in the car, I’d roll down the window and pop one out, yelling “Fore!” (as you would in golf), then, “Look out below!” One day 3-year-old Lauren, who was always so serious, was in the car with me, and I proceeded to pop one out the window. A calm voice said from the backseat, “Uh, Dad, you forgot to say, ‘Fore!’” Another time when Kevin II was little, I had to spit out the window. I heard a little “aargh” from next to me. Kevin had attempted to model his dad’s behavior, and guess where it landed? Right on my neck.
Don’t think spitting comes from thin air. The humor is that we get what we deserve. Our kids model themselves after us. What are you going to do about it? Your child is watching what you do and say. If you have a child who’s a spitter, there’s often a parent who’s a spitter.
Is this a mountain? Nope. It’s a molehill. Chances are, your son won’t be hawking out a big one in front of his girlfriend in a few years, nor will he do it down the road in front of his boss. Some things are taken care of with maturity. Spitting is one of them . . . unless you’re me, of course.
Sports Activities
“He said he wanted to play soccer. We went twice, and he already wants to quit. He says he’s no good at it. But we spent so much money on the equipment, we don’t want him to quit. What should we do?”
My rule with sports activities is the same as my rule for music lessons. If your child insists on trying a sport, he keeps with that sport for at least a quarter, a semester, or 6 months (in other words, a full season for that activity). Nothing is easy when you first try it. It’s like the old adage: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
Don’t allow your child to be a quitter. Don’t allow her to hop from activity to activity. If she wants to try something, make sure she knows the rule up front: “You’re welcometo try anything, but then you have to stick with it for 6 months.”
I also suggest that children try only one extracurricular activity at a time. Today’s families spend so much time running from activity to activity that they never have anyfamily time together at home. The family dinner is just about null and void . . . unless it’s McDonald’s in the car.
If you have three children and each of them chooses one sports activity, you’ll be more than busy, especially if the activity has a schedule of multiple practices a week. If this is making your family too crazy and not allowing you home time as a family, then you all need to make some sacrifices. Perhaps your high school daughter will play volleyball in the winter, your son will play baseball in the summer, and your kindergartener will do ballet in the fall. You may need to limit yourself to one outing with your friends every two weeks or once a month, rather than once a week.
Part of being a family is sacrificing for