Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [99]
Three-year-old Annie was a beautiful child with naturally curly blond hair—the kind of child who would look great in an angel costume. But she was far from an angel. She used to constantly tattle on Michael, her big brother. It drove her parents up the wall. When they talked to me, I gave them a simple strategy: “Just tell her you don’t want to hear it.”
Her mother took the advice a step further. The next time Annie wanted to tell her a tale, she said, “Annie, I don’t want to hear it. Tell it to the tree in the yard.”
A week later her mother looked out the window and laughed. Little Annie was standing out there, talking and gesturing to the tree!
Tattoos and Body Piercings
Long ago, when I was growing up, the only people who had tattoos were Harley drivers. They were tough guys who made it clear that no one was going to mess withthem.
Today’s world is very different. The young moms who come to hear me speak about marriage and family issues are well dressed, they’re educated, and they have one or more children. And some of them are also tattooed—on a shoulder, a leg, an arm, and who knows where else.
It’s obvious that tattooing is popular. Some of you reading this book will have tattoos and wonder what the big deal is. Why would I even include this in my book? Am I an old fuddy-duddy or something?
The point I’d like to make is that people have a love/hate relationship with tattoos. They either love them or hate them. Frankly, allowing tattoos and body piercings is a judgment call every parent has to make.
For some parents, tattooing isn’t a big thing. “So he got a tattoo. It’s not the end of the world,” they say. “He’s a good kid.”
Most children who want to get tattoos or body piercings (nose, eyebrow, belly button, ears, tongue) want to do it to make a statement about their uniqueness. What’s funny about that, though, is that they also want to do it because their friends are doing it. So what’s unique about that?
I fall on the side of those parents who wouldn’t encourage their kids to distinguish themselves as being unique by the tattoos or body piercings they have. I’d rather challenge them to be the meanest clarinet in the band or the surest-handed tight end on the football team. There are lots of ways to be unique—by playing the trumpet, being a voracious reader, or being a killer chess player. The more confident a child is about herself, the less likely she’ll be tempted to get some body part pierced to fit in with the crowd.
Lisa got a tattoo when she was 13, with her parents’ approval. Fifteen years later she became a mom of two and moved to a very conservative neighborhood in an affluent section of town. That’s when she decided to go through the pain of having the tattoo removed. “I was uncomfortable wearing any sleeveless shirts because I was afraid of what other moms would think. Especially after a mom talked vehemently about a woman who got a tattoo and how loose her morals were, etc. Last month my daughter turned 16 and wanted a tattoo. I explained to her why I didn’t want her to get a tattoo. It was a different perspective from what she’d heard, and she didn’t totally understand it, but she honored my request.”
I also fall on the side of the parents who don’t believe in tattoos or earrings for young children unless they are a part of the ethnic culture (i.e., Indian or Hispanic). Why put pressure on your young children to be like everyone else? “Well, Susan down the street has her ears pierced. Don’t you want yours pierced?” (Susan is 5 years old.)
Parents today seem to be racing to give children everything as fast as they can in life. That’s why first graders are walking around with cell phones at school. If this is your perspective as a parent, don’t you think your child will catch on?
If your child is older, you can always